help with boyfriend leaving for college
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help with boyfriend leaving for college
| Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:47pm |
For the past year and a half my boyfriend and I have been together. Although, he is a year ahead of me in school and therefore just graduated and is about to head out to college. Our relationship has been one where we are together 24/7 and constantly there for eachother. Because of this, we naturally have decided to try and and stay together while he is away. Recently however, just as this summer before he leaves has begun, I see changes in him. We're fighting all the time. He is always getting intoxicated or other. He forgets to call me. Just this morning, he left for the infamous Beach Week. He was supposed to call me this morning when he woke up and come and see me, but he forgot and never called nor came to see me because he was busy getting alcohol this morning for his trip. Not only that, but I have always struggled with jealousy issues. I had been to counseling to help them, but with all my insecurities about him leaving and his new behaviors, any progress that I had made went straight down the drain. He thinks I'm possessive and clingy, and I feel as though I'm losing my best friend and can't even talk to him about it for fear of being too nagging. With the rate things are going, I doubt I can survive even a few months of him being at college. Is there anyone who has had a related experience that can help? I feel miserably lost.

katisnotcat...
You're gonna hate the advice, but Pianoguy will offer it anyway:
1. LOSE the jealousy bit...NOW! The man is not your puppydog...he's supposed to be your boyfriend!
2. His sudden 'distancing' from you is your cue to realize that the 2 of you CAN'T BE TOGETHER 24/7 after he leaves for college! PLEASE ACCEPT THIS!
3. Ask yourself honestly: "AM I POSSESSIVE & CLINGY?" Apparently, your b/f feels this way about you? Otherwise, he wouldn't have brought both terms up!
Rather than feel "miserably lost" (your term)---why not work on fixing your insecurities instead? Then when your b/f returns for "homecoming weekend"---he'll discover the girl that he assumed was 'possessive and clingy'---has ACTUALLY TURNED INTO A GROWN-UP WOMAN!
Sometimes it's easier to 'transform alone?' Why not try?
Pianoguy
All these changes that you're seeing in him are not unusual. All of us continue to grow and change thoughout our lives. However, when at the age of you and your boyfriend, we do so at a much faster rate.
Your boyfriend is experimenting with different lifestyles and ideas to see what suits him. And it's quite possible that the two of you will grow in different directions. Being suited in school does not mean that the two of you will always be suited.