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| Fri, 06-23-2006 - 11:08pm |
Sorry so long......................
This is over the last 3 days...
I am 47, he is 49. He is a good guy, nice to everyone. Do anything for you type of guy. He started coming into my place of employment. (restaurant) We hit it off. Talk about things no one else has ever talked to me about. Same likes and dislikes, you name it. I know his kids and grandkids. He knows mine.
Rumors started several months ago that he was sweet on me. Customers who saw us together thought we were a couple. I finally told him about the rumors and instead of finding it amusing he got angry. Told me he would quit coming in. I asked him not too.
I told him to get some rest and went to my car.Then he left with out finishing his meal.
He grew up here. We went to school together. He is divorced. My divorce is in the process. I am shocked and hurt by his behavior. I trusted him.
I called him the next morning (first time I had ever called him)(didn't need to. I always saw him),just to show concern and see if he was Ok. He told me to forget about him. I told him I had to go and hung up. Total conversation less than a minute.
Three hours later he is in the restaurant (knowing I could be there, I had left early)joking and kidding with everyone. Then he tells my employer to tell me to not to call him.
My employer is my in-law(not their fault my soon-to-be ex abandoned the family)
He started bringing his co-workers. Yesterday he is back with one of them (yes I am working.)He is holding his head down kind of sheepish. Still talking to me. His co-worker is shaking his head and rolling his eyes with a grin on his face.
I like to eat there on my time off and visit with my friends. Last night I go to eat and he is there so I make it a carry out.
Tonight I sit here hungry and wanting to go eat (fish night) but too scared to risk facing him.
This is the same man who was making excuses to be around and would come in during my break and sit across the table from me and talk. Yes he has bought me small gifts and I him, nothing serious. Even as recently as 4 days ago. But as soon as I said something....
Forget about him? He is there!
I have been told everything from he's scared to embarrassed or leading me on. Even last night I was talking to my co-worker who said he is embarrassed that his emotions were showing. He is embarrassed that he lost everything in his divorce (I have too!)
I know he trying to build things back. So am I. Money doesn't mean much to me.
Give it time...So in the mean time do I keep my patterns and go eat and visit or do I become a hermit) I am so lost, hurt and confused. I don't even know what to say to him if he was there, if at all.
Just talking to him was enough. I wasn't asking for more. I thought he needed to know and I was told I was right to tell him. I would want to know about a rumor like that. Most men think something like that is funny.
Any takes on this at all? Please help!

Women have a natural desire to want to disect things and know exactly *why* they happened. Well, sometimes that just doesn't help and doesn't work. This sounds like one of those times to me. He got POed. He acted inappropriately. He owes you an apology since you did absolutely ***nothing*** wrong!! He probably did it because he was embarrassed, but that doesn't really matter.
So, my suggestion is that you go on about your life. If you end up at the same place at the same time, so be it. He isn't scooting around hiding himself from you. He looks ashamed because he should be ashamed, and he knows it. Don't let him take a hold of your life over this simple thing. It's HIS problem. Don't let him make it yours. Go to dinner. Go to work. Serve him if it's your table he's at. Treat him as any other customer.
The one thing that I might think of doing if I were in your shoes is to aologize for calling him. Let him know that you were concerned due to his behavior that was so out of character for him. Then let him know that since he did act like a (whatever word you would use here that means a rude dummy), you decided to call. Then assure him that you won't call again. This will give him a wide open door to make his apology to you. Of course, doing it without others listening in would be ideal.
Hope you get this worked out!
Thankyou for your response!
He has been giving so many signals. When one person pointed it out I thought nothing of it. Then another and another. Until it got to be my fault if he was in a foul mood.
Then I didn't say a word to him probably for over 2 weeks. I found myself crying while washing dishes "at work" so I made the decision to tell him the first chance that there was no one around to interupt. Feelings don't change between lunch and supper. Not when you haven't done anything wrong. I guess thats why I was so lost, hurt, confused.
What I didn't know was that he was sliding into a deep depression. I knew that he would be going thru it sometime soon. (1st anniversary of his adult daughter's death) real soon. I have walked that walk. I won't go into it right now. I know pain and I know it well. He looked terrible yesterday.
He does continue to come in and I treat him as if nothing is wrong. He was in yesterday and we talked for a minute or 2 here and there. I also know he was watching me until I look up. By the time he left, I knew where he would be that night and today. He is throwing himself into work. I do that sometimes. That way I fall asleep and can't think.
My in-law thought we were dating. My co-worker who was there when I told him, Told me the next night to think of it as a lover's spat and give him time.
I want to apolize to him for calling but right now I am so scared of saying the wrong thing.
Because of where I work I can't talk about certain aspects of my life and wouldn't anyway,
he doesn't know somethings that might help him.
But I am trying to think of a way to let him know I have been in his shoes. I'm just afraid he'll bolt like a jack rabbit.
I'm thinking of the word foriveness.
Thanks for lending your time to read my ramble.