Call or Not Call ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Call or Not Call ....
9
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 1:24pm

Okay, here it is .... I have been friends with a guy that I met about three years ago (he was getting a divorce at the time). And then over the past months we crossed paths again and have been chatting on the phone pretty regular. A few days ago, I called him on my way home and he invited me to his house (the first time he invited me, I didn't go). Everything went well .... and things really went further than I expected; but not a total all out. :-)

He has a son from a previous marriage, and I know he has him for this weekend; so I really don't expect him to call while he has him.

So...... how long do I wait for his call or if he doesn't should I call him?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 2:13pm

I wouldn't "wait" for his call at all, nor would I call him. If he calls, great, but I wouldn't count on it (I don't count on any guy calling, I'm not just saying it about THIS guy). Just keep going on with your life and continue to meet and date other people...if this is meant to be, he'll call. If not, oh well.

But on another note...are you just looking for a hook-up type of relationship? Because to me, inviting you to his house (as opposed to taking you out to dinner or something like that) seems to indicate that's what HE is looking for. Have you talked about your respective expectations and relationship goals?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-25-2006 - 2:35pm

singlegirl2006...

PG completely agrees with Sheri!

After reading your post, I immediately got a 'flashback' to an incident that happened after my first divorce was finalized. A very lovely woman (who was in the process of divorcing her 2ND husband) showed up at my house. We had dated several years earlier and one thing led to another.

The quick story:

We bought a house together and suddenly everything began to fall apart! She had a son from her first marriage and I had one as well. Both boys lived in our home. However, "Sue's rules" were much more lenient for her boy...than the ones she mandated for my son!

Add this issue to a few other unpleasant situations (including an affair with husband #1) and within 3 years...this wonderful, lovely, sexy woman became.....(drum roll please):

THE GIRLFRIEND FROM HELL!!!"

Fortunately, I never asked her to marry me! . So here's PG's 2 cents...for whatever they're worth:

Just because you "cross paths a 2nd time" with someone you loved earlier in your life ISN'T ALWAYS THE BEST REASON to "romance that person" again!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 1:01pm

We should have this on billboards...


"Just because you "cross paths a 2nd time" with someone you loved earlier in your life ISN'T ALWAYS THE BEST REASON to "romance that person" again!"

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 4:30pm

cl-bastphilliy...

Pianoguy would like to say "thank you" for your very nice comments.

I'm honestly glad there's a computer screen between us? Otherwise you have caught the enormous BLUSH that appeared in my face after reading your extremely kind words.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 5:08pm
Your welcome... Making a guy blush is what I like to do. But, I really do love your analogies.
Photobucket
Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:10pm

Holy cow! Its like I am reading my own situation (minus the kid)..I thought maybe I posted on here and forgot...LOL
I wouldnt' call..why? Because if a guy wants to be with you, they will go to great lengths to do so..sit tight..don't pick up that phone!! Also, I would NOT accept anymore invitations to the apartment to "hang out" Sorry, if a man wants to be with you, he needs to ASK YOU OUT on a proper date..no "hanging out", no "bootie call"..the physical should not precede the friendship..
its SO HARD to stick to MY guns in my situation..first time in my life I have..I want this man so badly but he has not asked me out on a proper date...wants to "hang out"..shows he is just not ready to committ to anything..the worst part..other silly VERY silly women will put up with "less than" and take scraps..(he's been w/a couple I know)...so, I am either taking a big imaginary stick to this guy to tell him to pee or get off the pot or...just cut him loose...for good..

DON'T CALL!! Let him do that!

good luck

Cyclegirl
Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 1:17pm

Hi Sheri

Good to see a familiar post on the boards...haven't been here in a LONG time.suppose the advice/information I was given many moons ago on the MBH board (and alot of good stuff in y/posts)has STUCK to me like glue..I don't compromise anymore..so tempting though..thanks for the post..needed some reinforcements w/my situation..don't want to sell out..need to live my truth today...

Beth

Cyclegirl
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 4:08pm

Beth!!! Hey, nice to see you too!

I'm sorry to hear, though, that you're grappling with having to settle...I have been dealing with the same issue myself, including breaking up last night with someone who really cared about me but just wasn't a good fit for me in several essential ways...before that, it was a really hot musician/athlete who liked me, but only for sex, apparently, and who turned out to have a girlfriend he neglected to mention...argh!!!

So I hear you about not selling out...but it can get lonely ;-).

Sheri

Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:21pm

I never even got to the "dating" stage w/this guy as my radar when off from the get go when I first met him. He was still legally married and working in the same office w/his wife. (he's a lawyer).I dropped out of sight from the social circle where I met him for a year & a half, ran into him at a holiday party, found out he had finally gotten ad divorce but still had wifey at his office..I started hanging again w/that crowd. We got together and had dinner w/friend of ours..REALLY thought we were going to hook up..find out later via a converstation I was standing in on ..said he was seeing someone but not all that into her but he never mentioned it to me directly....that was 6 mos ago..I thought she droppped him but I found out yesterday that he's still hanging around her even though he keeps saying he's not into this chick..(bootie call!!).then I find out he's still in contact w/an old gfs..he sends alot mixed signals but apparently as I have learned, this is his MO...he's invited me over to his apartment a couple of times but I turned him down..(unlike others!)..he's a ladies man..I now suspect he may have a prescription drug problem..this guy is 55 years old (I am 43)..so..later dude for him..really hard...because I will still see him on a regular basis as we hang w/the same people in my 12 step group...he took the AZ bar a few months back and passed..couldn't figure out why he picked AZ initially..just found out a couple of days ago his old gf moved out there 2 years ago...hoping he'll pack up and just leave...ugh!! so tired of this s---!! Other than that..everything is just great! LOL...

You are right..its lonely..but better healthy alone then sick w/someone else...been healthy alone for some time now..REALLY believe when I let go of the strangehold I have had on this situation..someone good is going to show up..turning it over:)

Beth

Cyclegirl