What does he want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
What does he want?
7
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:03pm

I met this guy about 6 weeks ago - we get on really well and he seems to be quite interested. He texts me quite often and we have been out a few times with other mutual friends and have kissed and also slept in the same bed, although nothing has happened apart from cuddling. He invited me over to a party at his house the other evening and things went quite well, he was very attentive and it was really nice. We all had a few drinks and so ended up staying over. When it came to going to bed he asked if i wanted to go up with him or said I could have the spare room. I ended up sleeping in his bed again, this would be the 4th time now but nothing has happened. I dont want to rush things at all and it was really nice the first few times just to sleep together but im start to wonder what it is he wants? We didn;t so much as kiss this time, just cuddled for a little while. I know that he does think of me as more than just a friend as like I said he has kissed me quite a few times but I just dont know where its going from there. I dont want to bring it up with him and have the big serious 'talk' as I dont want it to get all heavy but it would be nice to have some indication! I will probably be seeing him again in the next week or so but I can see exactly the same happening. What should I do...should I back off and not see him for a while or carry on or something else?? Help please!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:43pm

Ok, so you have made out and slept in the same bed a couple of times, so that to me would indicate that he at least likes you in some form or another. He hasn't "jumped" you yet for sex, so that is at least good. I would make sure that he's not seeing anyone else, or isn't hooked on to an ex-GF, and make sure he's been tested before you sleep with him (if you get that far). I know that sounds weird, but sometimes guys who have something tend to shy away from sex...but that's my personal experience...so it may or may not apply to you.

Bringing up "that" conversation won't be anything hot and heavy, you are just trying to find out what you two "are", and trying to get an idea of what he wants and where it's going. You aren't asking for a committed RL or a ring, so there shouldn't be any worry about being "too much, too soon".

Well you could just straight up ask him and say "I've had a really great time with you these past few weeks, and I'm kinda confused as to where this is all going..so are we dating...or BF/GF or what?" That will at least tell him what you intentions are and what you are feeling and will give him a chance to respond with some feedback. If he can't respond back with some kind of answer, then assume that he doesn't know what he wants, and is along for the "ride". In that case I would make a decision not to go too far into the RL, because you will get yourself hurt, especially once your feelings are involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:50pm
It seems you have a guy who respects you enough to not jump your bones each time you are next to him. Be happy and continue to enjoy each other because it has only been six weeks and you never mentioned going on a real date just hanging out in group settings. Slack up and focus on getting to know each other versus the physical aspect. Heck, that is what gets many women so caught up so early in the first place. Many think sex=relationship. Worry about you want and who he is before getting more physical.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 4:14pm

Well I haven't heard from him all week and im due to see him in another group situation that he is arranging on saturday...what do I do? I kind of wanted him to contact me to show he was interested...should i not go on saturday or should i contact him? He seemed a little distant last time I saw him. Im wondering if I should pull back a bit?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:39pm

<< Well I haven't heard from him all week and im due to see him in another group situation that he is arranging on saturday...what do I do? >>

You said you met 6 weeks ago and he seems interested. But, have you actually been out on a date or done anything one-on-one (other than sleeping in the same bed and cuddling)?

If not, sounds like he likes having a "cuddle buddy" and probably likes you, as a person, but ... if liked you as a someone he'd like to date and perhaps pursue something with, well ... I think he would have asked you out by now, no? ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 5:40pm
Yep, I'd step back. If he is interested let him approach you and ask you out on a DATE!!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 6:05pm
No we have never been out on a one on one proper date. I would really like to though. Sometimes I think I should call him cos maybe he is thinking the same as me...as in she cant be very interested if she never bothers to get in touch?
Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 12:55pm
I am going to go w/Star on this one...why hasn't this guy asked you out? Sounds like what you are in is a preriquisite to a "friends w/benefits" situation if you allow this to continue to go on. If a guy is REALLY interested in you, HE ASKS YOU OUT on a proper date.
Believe me, I have struggling w/that one for a while w/someone. I flat out turned him down when he invited me to his apartment to "hang out" and watch a movie or make a meal together..NO..I don't think so. I am not in the 10th grade. I am a grown woman.I remain friends ONLY w/him, no physical contact of any kind. I am very fond of this man but he has to pee or get of the pot. You couldn't gently tell this man..he'also needs to pee.
Cyclegirl