Sibling Striff
Find a Conversation
Sibling Striff
| Wed, 06-28-2006 - 7:23pm |
My bf and me have been dating for two years now, but for the last six months or more we have been argueing and havent been intimate in even longer. I suspected there was something going on between him and one of his work colleges because every day she worked he came home all smiley and got angry at me if i tried to touch him or get close to him and he made up silly excuses like he had a headache, or we had sex last night (even though we hadnt had sex in months then either!) The whole time we've been together every time i see his brother we get along reasonably well but my partner always got furious saying we were too friendly so now we just avoid each other. I havent felt close to my partner in almost a year now and i feel like its all my fault. I do care about him, but im starting to have feelings for his brother again (who, is usually the type of guy i am attracted to more so then my bf). I feel guilty as if im doing something wrong and i have tried to talk to my bf about all our problems, but he always just gets angry. He hasnt made any effort with my family and they have all made comments that i have more chemistry etc with his brother. I dont want to hurt my bf but it isnt the first time he has 'strayed' (during the first month we were together i found sexy letters between him and a girl he said was "his best friend and nothing more" even though the letters were written during the time we were together -they had dates on them- and were from him asking her for sex. He later denied it and said nothing happened so i had no right getting angry at him for talking to other women). I feel awful and have to see his brother this weekend. I would never cheat on my partner but for some reason i cant end the relationship because i would want to stay friends afterwards (even though wer not that close now). I have no idea what his brother thinks or if he knows and i don't want to tell him incase things got wierd and it hurt anyone. What should i do?

What should you do?
Break up with your boyfriend. But DON'T EVEN CONSIDER dating his brother. It would be truly bad form - not to mention it would create too many problems.
Just move on from the whole family.
If you relationship is no longer making you happy it is time to get out of it. There's clearly something missing in your relationship, and I'm sure you don't want to live the rest of your life feeling like you do. Realize that you two gave it your best shot, but you're not right for one another, and cut your losses. There are plenty of other guys out there.
If you and your bf split and months from now you're still thinking about his brother, go ahead and tell him how you feel; I have a hunch that once you get over your bf you'll be over his brother as well.
Stop making yourself miserable, get away from this guy and find the one who is really right for you (easier said than done, I'm well aware).
Thanks for your advice, i hope things improve or i guess, maybe it is time i cut my losses :(
Wait a second... he spent all of YOUR money?! And you're worried about leaving him because he wants to start a busienss? Who cares about his business? You really need to put yourself first; change all of your bank accounts right now and get out of there before he takes anymore of what is yours!
Believe it or not, I really understand how you feel right now. Not that long ago, I was feeling trapped in a relationship as well. My ex and I had a decent relationship, he was very nice to me and everything, but he just was not giving me what I needed. I worried about leaving him because I was basically his whole world. I felt it would be too cruel to leave him in this "time of need" when he "was under so much stress." The reality is though, he made the choices that got him where he was, not me. So yes, he doesn't have a lot of friends or family nearby, he didn't have a car so he could drive to see them, he didn't have any money in the bank, etc. Those were all his choices, not mine, and there's no reason for me to feel responsible for them.
You need to keep in mind that he is his own person, he's capable of dealing with stresses on his own, and if he isn't well, then he should have been a better partner and he wouldn't be alone. Either way, his choices, his consequences.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but instead of "considering moving out" you need to just move out, now. I don't see things getting any better; if he is starting a new business his stress is only going to increase, not decrease. What is the point of wasting any more time? Please remember that he is his own person, making his own choices. He is chosing to put other priorities ahead of his realtionship with you, he is chosing to take on the stress of starting his own business, none of these choices obligate you to do anything. If your needs are not being met and you've tried talking to him, now it is time to go find someone who will meet your needs.
I know that if he doesnt make an effort with 'us' then its final, but i really hope he does because i do care about him alot regardless of what hes done, at least he admitted his mistakes last night (he could have kept lying after all).
Ill reply in a few days if its improving or not