Am I just really dense?
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| Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:42am |
This is a bit long..but I'll try to condense it as much as possible. I'm in my 30's and take martial arts from these two guys. I started taking classes 4 years ago because I went to a class with my nephew and although this was something I had always wanted to do, I thought it would also be a good chance to get to know the guy. He seemed really flirty at first and I chalked that up to wanting to keep me as a customer.
During the Summer months they have different outings geared towards the kids and he would always ask me if I would be going to them. They do the same things every year. I'd go with my nephew and a couple of other friends who he doesn't know. He would usually drive a bunch of his students so he'd be forced to keep an eye on them. Sometimes the guy would follow us around with his group or he'd ask for my cell phone number so we could meet up later. Thing was that I'd never have my cell phone with me. However he did give me his number and I did call him. We met by the front gate of the park and stood there talking surrounded by 10 kids. Then we went our separate ways.
We both have an interest in baseball and like opposing teams so we at least have one thing in common that we'll always talk about. During the class we'd flirt with each other and I don't know how many times he told me that his grandparents had their honeymoon at the ballpark of the team I liked. Then there was the touching. Yes I understand that as an instructor there has to be a certain amount of contact involved. However this was more along the lines of he'd make a joke and then touch me on the shoulder or arm. If he needed to give instructions to us as a group he'd seem just to keep his focus on me.
One night they had a night out at a restaurant with no kids and I finally decided that I would go by myself. This would finally give him a chance to get me, if he really was interested, by myself...no nephew, no friends to muddle things up. For some idiotic reason I worked myself up into such a nervous-wreck-frenzy that I ignored him the entire night. I couldn't look at him...couldn't talk to him. I was completely paralyzed and miserable...then when I finally got up the courage to speak to him it was obvious that he was annoyed with the fact that I had been ignoring him. I couldn't blame him for being upset...every message that I was sending screamed..I'm not interested. I decided to leave and went over to him to say good-bye. We shook hands and as I turned my back towards him I could feel his hand slide down to the small of my back..which would of made sense if there was a crowd of people blocking the door..but there was no one around. Taken aback, I just kept walking wondering..what was that all about?! Was he making a move, being polite..or figured since I spent the entire night unable to find my tongue, he'd help me find the door?
What I never really understood was why he was sending me all of these non-verbal cues indicating interest and yet never asking me about myself. Sure he asked me what I did for a living..but that was really it...otherwise we'd dicuss karate and baseball. When I asked him what he did over vacations or holidays I'd get brief answers like he didn't enjoy talking about himself. The ironic thing is that he is not a shy person. He is very outgoing and can talk for hours, he just didn't seem to want to talk to me.
I sort of gave up trying to learn more about him and things sort of cooled off...not that they ever really heated up. Eventually, it just became a whole lot easier to just talk to him if he initiated the conversation. I no longer have him as an instructor so I don't see him that often. At this point I've realized that I either need to act on the attraction or move on. However I still wonder if the attraction was ever mutual. I could never figure out if he was truly interested and didn't want to risk losing the business if I rejected him, or if he was just being friendly all along.

I think that if he were truly interested and available, he would have asked you out long ago. It's not like he hasn't had PLENTY of opportunity!
I think it's best for you to move on.
Sheri