Does He Still Care For Me As Much?
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| Sun, 07-02-2006 - 7:32pm |
Hello,
I need some good solid male/female insight on my situation(Sorry so long).
If some of you dont know already, i have posted my share of "my relationship issues" on here before about me and my bf(im 20 he's 21). Here's the info about us: we been together since Feb. and have been friends since Aug 2001. By the way, we are an exclusive relationship, so i dont think cheating or anything else is an issue.
He has told me plenty of times that he cares about me, respects me, and so on, but its like now we together he doesnt show that he cares about me as much. I care about him SO much that it hurts and he knows i do, its just i dont feel that he cares as much back. Before we started going out he would always talk to me and ask me how i was doing like he was concerned with me b/c he cared about me. And now we going out and he hardly ever talks to me, that makes me wonder if he even cares about me at all now. I've told him how i felt about how things were going before and he said that he sorry and didnt know i felt that way and that he would try to change his ways. How frickin long should i wait till i start to see some changes??? cuz i havent seen much. I am irate at him, but what makes it even worse is that we were suppose to go out last night and he never even showed up. He was suppose to be at my house @ 9(he picked that time) and when it reached 9:30 i called him and asked him if he's still coming, he said "i'll be there in 10 minutes. i promise." well if i was a dumb ass person i would still be waiting by now. What hurt even more is if he knew he wasnt gonna come, he shouldve just told me instead of lying to me. That makes me feel like i cant even trust him. So i was calling and texting him all night and even this morning about what happened for him not coming and he never even answered his phone or answer his text messages. I find that extremely rude to act that way to a person you supposedly "care" about, like he's ignoring me or something; which i think he is b/c he thinks im mad(which i am, obviously).
Its like im giving all of myself to someone who isnt giving me all of them when they said they would. Whenever he needs me; im there for him. If there's something he wants, maybe depending on what it is; ill get for it him. He use to do the same in the beginning, but he just changed now. I know he cares for me alot even without him telling me, but it is wrong for me to wanna hear it sometimes?? I mean i dont want to be one of those nagging ass girlfriends that wanna be with there man 24 hours 7 days a week and HAVE to hear from them every single day, but i would at least like to hear from him every once in a while. He does work and take care of his 3 yr old son, but i mean is it so hard to see if your gf is alive and breathing to show her that your at least thinking of her? concerned about her?
When im over by his house i can see how much he wants to be with me and cares about me, but then when we not together he acts as if i dont exist b/c he doesnt talk to me. He does make me happy,when he's not acting like an ass b/c he makes me forget all my problems and he's told me himself that i make him happy since im not like any of his previous gf's. I have asked him if he wants to be with me and if he doesnt he just need to tell me now instead of pulling me along. He said to me "why would you think that? you know i wanna be with you b/c i care about you. if i didnt i wouldve told you a long time ago. i aint f*cking no other chicks,but you. you is who i wanna be with, no one else." so i told him " if thats the case, then why dont you talk to me like you use to?" his response "I've been busy working. you dont expect me to be sitting on my ass doing nothing talking to you all day, do you? cuz you know i be in the studio and out on the streets working to get this money." I told him "that i dont expect for you to be doing nothing all day, but at least talk to me to show me that you still care about me or you miss me. Why dont you tell me you miss me or is thinking about me anymore?" His response "why you dont ask me?"(which is a lie, b/c i do ask him sometimes in a text and he doesnt answer,but when i ask over the phone he tells me he does).
I just dont know what to do anymore b/c i do wanna be with him since i care about him so much and can even say that i love him. I know some of might say i need to move on and dont mess with him anymore, but its not exactly that simple. I know the chemistry is there between us(physically, mentally & emotionally), but his just isnt as strong as mine of showing it on the mental and emotional side. I just wanna know how i can improve our relationship to be more on solid ground rather than a rocky boat. Do you still think he cares about me as much? or even at all? How do i talk to him and get my point across? Tell him how i feel without feeling silly when im done? Is this relationship just bound to be doomed or can it be restored to actually last with the right amount of commucation on both of our parts? I just really need some good advice.
Nicole

2ndly, ur situation sounds very much like mine! therefore i'm not sure if i can give u great advice but i'd sure be giving u advice that i myself rn't taking, but I guess our situations still aren't totally the same. anyways, what I would call this sort of problem is a guy getting too "comfortable" in a relationship, i don't know if other ppl would call it something else, but think of it like this. Just how some girls, before meeting a guy girls go out of there way to make themselves look all good, doing there hair, makeup, keeping nice and fit...you know, to attract some attaction and then once they get that special guy and are in a "secure" or "comfortable" relationship, they might start to slip maybe? do u get wat i'm saying, now some ppl might disagree with me, but this happens a lot. now how this relates to ur situation is that, guys kind of are known to make less of an effort after they have the girl they want, just like how girls will let themselves loose after they have the man they want. Now i'm not generalizing but I've seen this happen a lot and yes, even in my own bf! and yes! it does hurt, a lot! as u already know. i say, give ur man an ultimatum, surely if ur not getting what you want and need there are other men out there, right?? ok ok, i know wat ur thinking, no there isn't cause you really wanna be with that guy, but he doesn't have to know that. but seriously, let him know that you need something from him and if he can't give you that one little thing then someone else can. gd luck
nicole,
i too am in a similar situation, but not with as much time spent as you and your bf. the guy i've been with isn't my exclusive bf although we have this lame agreement (made by him) that we have to tell each other if we are hanging out with someone else. so recently, we have gone from seeing each other 4-5 times a week, to once a week. he is in training to be a pilot and he has a lot of tests to take so i am understanding to that area in his life. although, he does what your boyfriend is doing and this is what i'm not ok with in both scenarios. two fridays ago i text him to see if he wants to hangout. i get a response an hour later that says, maybe, but he's gotta study. then i don't hear anything the rest of the night. he said he was studying and fell asleep. sorry. then the next night we were going to hangout and he hurt himself at the river with his friends, went to the hospital, i saw the stiches so he wasn't lying, but again we didn't hangout. then last weekend i made plans with him for saturday, but then i canceled on him b/c i was so annoyed with his behavior and then finally i said we could hang out saturday night, but low and behold he didn't answer his phone, texts all night. his response: i didn't want to deal with it right then because you said we weren't going to hang out, i made other plans and i didn't want to fight. last night. he says he wants to hang out, but magically he's got some flight thing in the morning so now we can't go out, we can only spend a little time together then he's gotta go to bed at 11:30 to get up at 4:30. so i leave (reluctantly) and can't get over the fact that there is someone else he went to go hang out with after i left last night. i have no proof of this. he swears he isn't seeing someone else, fuq'n someone else, etc. when i try to tell him we need space he says no. it's not that hard to pick up a phone and say you're busy. to not show is just rude. it's uncalled for and personally for your own sanity (and me for mine) i think you need to just tell him that if he's doesn't make a valiant effort to show you that he cares, then you will just move on to the next person who will treat you how you want to be treated. i know, easier said than done, but girl this headache and the way i have felt these past 3 saturdays wondering why he's not calling back, where he is and what's going on is taking a toll and i just can't take it anymore...and i'm sure you'll know what i'm talking about soon. good luck, i hope it works out, believe me i don't want one more person wondering why people just can't be honest about what they want from/with you~!
thanks for responding and i decided to not call him until he "feel the need" to talk to me. i figured that if he really cared about me like he says he does than he would have time from his oh-so-busy schedule, he would obviously wonder why i havent been calling him like i use to. basically just giving him a taste of his own medicine in other words and knowing that it dont taste so good. well the medicine worked to an extent b/c i ended up texting him after 4 days without talking and he said that he missed me,been thinking about me and that he's been really busy in the studio working thats why he hasnt talked to me lately. all i said was okay and im gonna see you next friday to give you your birthday gift. me talking to him happened on friday and i wont talk to him again until next thursday, mostly likely he'll call again before then. i just hope that my man and your man get their act together so that we wont be unhappy since i know the last thing they wanna see us is unhappy. thanks again for responding.
Nicole
Thanks for responding to my post. Yep, i plan to tell him exactly how i feel and that i shouldnt be feeling unhappy in a relationship when both people are suppose to be happy. I frankly dont really give two sh!ts if he is happy or not at this moment cuz right now im not happy with him lol. im kinda having a hard time of when i want to tell him b/c i wanna tell him face-to-face asap(which is friday), but its also his birthday and i dont wanna ruin his "birthday high"(so he calls it) on his day. im thinking i might tell him a few days before, but whatever day it is; i will tell him. I really want this relationship to work since we've been wanting to be together ever since we were in 10th grade(now in 3rd yr of college), but due to some rough obstacles we never had a chance and now we finally do. Us being friends in the beginning was great & still is great, but being more than friends is even better in my book lol. I just want him to talk & be with me more and i know he does to since he always tells me instead of being at arm's length. but due to his busy schedule (between working in the studio & taking care of his son), i can see where there would be some small time for me. I just hope he makes some time for me more knowing that he's not just gonna have a gf lurking in the background like a nighthawk who doesnt exist to him when he's busy, but rather a gf that regardless of whatever your doing, knowing that you havent forgotten about her & letting her know it. Thank you all for responding. I'll keep you all posted on the outcome.
Nicole
Edited 7/10/2006 11:57 pm ET by nicole_blue726