Was I Wrong?
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| Thu, 07-06-2006 - 2:09pm |
Hi, I could really use some help. I'm 28, my bf's 23, and we've been together a year. So far, 90% of the time things are perfect, the other 10% is related to this post. Anyway, we don't live together, he's still lives at home, I live in an apt. with a roommate. Sometimes I stay over night during the week, but not often because I go to work 2 hrs before him, so I go to bed early.
Well his parents are out of town, so I'm staying over this week. He called yesterday afternoon and asked if I cared if his friend came over to help him fix his car. I said that's fine, and that I would just stay home, (because typically when that friend comes over, they pretty much sit and get drunk until 2am.) But he insisted I come over and that the car wouldn't take all night. So I did. And as usual, I went to bed at 9pm and they sat up till 2am getting drunk. And his friend's gf showed up so she was upstairs drinking with them too.
And they're being loud so of course I can't sleep. By 11pm I was pissed. I mean, why have me over if he's going to get trashed with his friend while I sleep. And I didn't mind staying home. So he finally comes to bed around 1am, tries to cuddle with me, I wouldn't have it. So I told him how I felt, and then he got pissed because I was mad, so he rolls over and passes out. Meanwhile I'm laying there upset and sad, and can't fall alseep now that we argued.
So now this morning I'm exhausted after only 3 hrs of sleep, and feel bad because we had a fight. But really, how would you feel? Am I in the wrong here?

The issue here is not who's right or wrong...he's is behaving as any 21 year old male does, as a 27 year old male does for that matter, and he has the right to do so...You are behaving as any mature and responsible 27 year old woman would and you have the right to do so...you are 6 years older than him and at a point in your life where that 6 years makes a huge difference...esp. considering that he still lives at home with his parents and you are on your own, taking care of yourself and paving your own way in the world. You have to admit that getting out on one's own makes one grow up a lot so it would be natural for you to be more mature than he is.
The decision you have to make here is do you want a relationship with someone who is on the same level as you are in what he wants in life and where he is at maturity-wise or if you want to continue dating someone that wants to party and still lacks a real sense of responsibilty in his life and his life decisions?
I agree with the other poster but I would have also left. He may can party and hang out but he has a guest he was not entertaining. I would have gotten my stuff together at around 10 and went home. That means he had an hour after I said to him I am going to bed to get his friends on their way. Plus, how rude are the friends. I go out and once one of them heads to bed or disappears for more then and 30 mins then I am ready to go. This is something you should not let slide because if you do then he will do it again.
If I would have been in your shoes, I would have been a little ticked off also.
Was he aware that you were having a hard time sleeping? Maybe he thought you were sound asleep while they were drinking upstairs and didn't realize how loud they were being? I know that I'm a really hard sleeper and can sleep through practically anything and a couple of people getting drunk upstairs would not have kept me awake. If someone was keeping me awake though, I would have gotten up and politely asked them to turn it down a bit. Then, if they kept being loud and still kept me awake, I would have packed up my things and left.