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| Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:14pm |
I think I'm hitting the end point in my relationship. It has gotten to a point where anything and everything I do...my boyfriend picks on. From the foods I eat, to the way I shop. It hit a high point today during an arguement. He accused me of having an office "flirting" romance with a manager of mine. I was taken out to lunch by my manager, as a gesture of appreciation for the overtime I've put into a large contract project. Mind you, the other employee (a male) was also taken out for lunch as well. He is convinced that something was going on, and because I never stated the words "I would never cheat on you" that it tells him a lot. I was offended at the fact that he would even THINK such a thing. I have even mentioned to him, the only things left for him to complain about are how I walk and how I dress, other than that, he has commented on EVERYTHING. I've asked him where this insecurity has come from and why he is like this, and his only answer is "it's because of you, you made me this way, the way you act around other guys makes me think these things." Mind you he has lied, and I have caught him lie about a girl he dated/slept with. He told me it was a somewhat 2-3 date fling, and later on mentioned that he dated her for a month or two. He brushes that off, telling me I misunderstood.
I am just fed up with almost everything...yet I am still with him. Amazing how I was the one out of my group of friends telling them never to put up with such behavior, and I see myself in the same situation, unable to handle it.
Now I am starting to question whether he is right. Does my behavior really affect him this much? I joke around with people in general, he is not okay with this at work. I am the only female in my department also. I have told him, if something bothers him, he needs to just tell me, rather than expect me to figure it out. He says he doesnt say anything because he wants to know what I am really like. I've asked him if things bother him, to point some out in a NICE MANNER, which would help me see things. His response has been "I want someone who is just overall good, not someone whom I have to tell things to." He's even said "I've never said I don't want you to change, when have I said that?" I've brought up the issue of us breaking up, because it obviously seems like I am a disappointment to him, I really don't see myself as such a bad person. I have made my mistakes, but I have fessed up to all of them, I have never lied about it to him. It just seems like nothing is ever good enough, and any/all problems we have are my fault. He blames me and says he would like to know everything about the person he possibly sees himself having a future with. At this point, with the way he treats me...I really do not see that. I don't know if I can live with someone who accuses me of cheating on him, being to "loose" around others and speaking to me in a disrespectful manner.
Am I missing a couple screws or...does all this just not sound right for a normal relationship??
Any suggestions would help.
Thank you.

I think you know this isn't "normal"...or rather, it's only "normal" if your bf is an insecure control freak.
It's so patently ridiculous for his to say you "made" him this way...but actually it's very typical of controllers and abusers to say that (and who knows, maybe they really believe it).
If you are having trouble ending it, I'd suggest some short term counseling with that goal in mind.
Sheri