Am I Reading Into Things Too Much
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Am I Reading Into Things Too Much
| Sun, 07-09-2006 - 9:16pm |
I have been dating this guy for the past 3 months. hanging out 4-5 times a week. recently, he just got this new job (as a pilot) and he has ground school and lots of test for this whole month. I was very used to seeing him every day, but when he didn't call me to hang out the first friday of ground school, i got a little suspicious. he kind of left me hanging on whether or not we were going to go out as he had to study and then i didn't hear from him til the next morning. then next week he kept saying how he wanted to see me, etc. we didn't actually get together until this past monday as he was "studying". then last night. he called me and made plans friday, for saturday night. he called me yesterday at 3 and said that he still could hang out, but that he had to do some impromptu plane check in the morning (not flying, just safety stuff) and needed to be there at 6 so i would need to leave around 11. this seemed weird to me because i have stayed the night over there before, and i have hungout with him at least until midnight even when he has had class the night before. so 11 comes around and he tells me he's going to bed soon and asks what i'm doing. i told him i wasn't sure, because i wanted to see what direction he was going to take it. we go back and forth and finally agree that he thinks i should leave because he needs to go to bed and it was my saturday night and he didn't want me to be stuck in bed with him because that's just not much fun for me. so basically, he asked me to leave in a nice way. i can't get over a sneaking suspicion that maybe he made other plans to go out with someone or meet someone out after i left. i left at 11:30, the bars close at 2; it's possible that he went and met up with someone after i left. of course, i have no proof and no he has never lied to me before, he asked why i distrust him and what he says and i told him i can't put my finger on it, but a woman just knows when things aren't on the up and up. can someone please just tell me if i am overreacting or if it looks like he is possible seeking out someone else for companionship and just doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. i hate the feeling of being blatantly lied to and having someone tell me they're going to bed if they are really wanting to meet someone else. why can't he just tell me he isn't that into me and let me go, instead of telling me that he really cares about me and likes me and to trust him, etc.

Why don’t you just let him know that you are feeling uneasy because it has been a complete turn in the relationship? Let him know that you’ve went from seeing each other 4-5 times a week to maybe 2 and then not even spending a lot of time then. Allow him to respond as to why this has been happening.
I understand where you are coming from. My SO has done that and I got all salty and wanted the friendship to end. But, I had to be the bigger person and suck it up. As hard a pill it is to swallow this is normal but of course we want things to stay how they were though we know we need to change. I think it is good you did not tell him right off what is wrong. I think a little time for you to sort it out then explain to him that you were upset and felt neglected when he was choosing to hang with others over you. He may not be calling now but this may be something you have to suck up and be the first to contact and letting him know why.
Marie
Verse of the Day
“ Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. ”- Romans 15:2
Marie
Hey, I'm a guy and I've got a question - you know he's going out w/out you, who's he going out with? People from his class? If so, that may be a bonding thing where the other guys aren't bringing girls along. Hard to say w/out more info but here's an overall thought - I'm a believer that instead of accusing him of doing anything, 'cause you're not sure he's done anything or if he's being honest, tell him you really enjoy being with him, you want to give him his space due to the new job and whatnot, you'd like to strike a good balance that works for both of you. Then you tell him what that balance is, see if he can get w/ it.
Take this from a positive, not frantic, angle. You're not flawed - every woman I've ever known on this planet worries about stuff, it's part of your charm! Seriously, my wife worries, my mom worries, every other woman i've know worries about situations being something other than what's on face value. Relax a little but do steer the situation in the direction you want it to go...that IS something you can do.
Oh, and us guys, we enjoy being clueless, that's part of our charm!
David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life