Not Meant to Be?
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| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:51am |
A couple months ago I found a guy that I had a connection with at a friends party. It was kind of out of no where, like normal, and we hit it off right away. We started hanging out and before we knew it, we were together and "in love". Things shifted directly from me being single, to me being in a commited relationship with someone that seemed like he was cemented next to me. Telling me that he loved me, and could see us together forever after two months, I started to wonder. After the intial excitement of being with a new person wore off and reality started to set in, i freaked out. I realized that I had had reservations since the beginning of our relationship about our compatability and him being the one for me, and they had just grown and grown off of other things. I decided that instead of being like my previous relationships, where i dedicate a Long time of my life to figuring things out, dragging out the relationship and making it harder in the end, i would end it now or at least take a break to step back and look at the whole picture. he noticed something was wrong because I became shy and reserved, not wanting to be intimate or even look like I was happy. I started zoing out, thinking about everything. When we finally talked about it, i went for it and told him that I wanted space to figure some things out which he was understanding about, even thuogh it hurt him a lot. Now that we are broken up, he's completely heartbroken and devistated because he thinks we are meant to be. he has told me taht he thinks we're meant to be together forever, and that im different than everyone else. I don't think I feel the same, and it's scary to think that i might be missing out because of my own insecurity on a great guy, or that if i go back to him I'm sacrificing my gut feeling that I should take care of what I want first in my life and not settle for something that I dont think is for me. I feel guilty because this guy is a fantastic person, and he's very insightful and taking this time to think about things about himself. I think that that's good but he's hoping that we will "get through this" and I will realize what I lost and go back to him. he's striving to do whatever he can to help me so that I will love him as much as he loves me.
I dont know what to do. I dont know if he's what I want in a relationship, or if I'm just scared in general because I am too worried that I am settling that Im not seeing what I have. him being so hurt, hurts me and I hate to make him feel this bad. Please offer some advice, I dont know what to do. Is this a test to see if we are meant to be together? or is this my hearts way of telling me that's what meant for me is somewhere else?

I say follow your gut, how many times has it been wrong. Then, one thing I’ve learned is you can not hurt another person unless they allow it. I understand an initial break up for someone you care about is a time to mourn the loss of a relationship but to stay in that funk is a choice. He has a choice to say “OK, I will give her distance and not contact her” or he can continue to allow the hurt by keeping contact and wondering what could be. Don’t feel guilty because there is nothing you can do about his hurt because even if you went back then you will still hurt because he will then begin to apprehensive on you wanting to leave again and things will be on rocky ground.
Marie
Marie
Verse of the Day
“ Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. ”- Romans 15:2
Marie