He tried to kiss me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
He tried to kiss me
2
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 11:31am

Hello everyone!

Well...I have a bit of a dilemma and I'd like to know, I guess, what a greater group of people thinks about it? Well, here I go. I need to give a little background so you guys can understand better.

I recently turned 18. I've never really been one of those rebellious teenagers, I've always been pretty good and I've never given my parents any hardships, and I am extremely close to them, and they too with me because I'm their only child.

Although I had my hormone driven boy crazy crush stages during my adolescence, I have always been very serious and measured when it comes to guys. I have never had a boy friend, and when I officially started to receive "male attention" was my junior year in highschool when I was 16 years old!

My senior year I began to feel more comfortable with the whole dating scene, and my parents started to "let go" a bit more...allowing the guy to take me out in his car and all of that stuff. Ok, I'm going to jump in to my situation now.

I met this guy last year during Christmas break because his parents are friends of my dad's, and when their two sons came home from college for Christmas they brought them over to our house so I could meet them and ask them any questions of advice about college. I didnt' really think much of him, and I lend him a couple of movies so he could see them, and I invited him to a party I had at home with my friends during the holidays.

He went back to college in Georgia but we kept in touch chatting and all. All of our conversations were very nerdy, nothing to do with romance, mostly about school.

He came back for the summer and asked me out, just hanging out. We started to like eachother obviously, and he's pretty much spent most of the summer coming over my house, we've gone out a couple of times to the mall, he's invited me to two dinners and one lunch, where he insisted on paying, he invited me to have dinner cooked by his mom at his house, he remembered my birthday and visited me after I had a tonsils surgery to see how I was doing...and among many other things, he has been very attentive, polite, and respectful with me. And that really impressed me!

But, he has never ever actually mentioned anything about a relationship to me. He has not even complimented me when we go out! He has not told me anything romantic. He acts like a perfect gentleman, but he doesn't charm me with words. The only time's he's said anything like that was when I got a haircut he said he liked it, and the first time we went out to dinner, AFTER I sent him the pictures, he said through IM that I "looked gorgeous, very pretty". Through instant messenger...would have been nicer if he would have said it when we went out...in person!

So, yesterday we spent the entire day out. We went to my university's museum,but it was closed, so he gave me a tour because he had gone to the same university before transfering to Georgia Tech, then we went to a mall, walked around, then spent most of the time in Barnes & Noble, then we went out to eat dinner at the restaurant he had promised to take me. He ordered for both of us one of the most expensive plates (and I made the effort to eat it all because it was like $18.00)

We took a couple of pictures and I noticed that he put his arm around me and held me in a way a guy would hold his girlfriend. And he was a bit less talkative through dinner, but staring at me more intensly than before.

When he took me home, he would usually get off and come in for a couple of minutes, chat with my parents, or just hang out. But this time he said he would get going, and when I leaned in to say goodbye with the usual kiss on the cheek, I felt that he guided my chin for a kiss...but I turned my head and gave him my cheek. Then he just wanted to leave, but I asked him to please come in for couple of minutes because if not my parents would wonder what happened to him...

He was quiet the whole time...spoke less than ever (even my dad noticed hahaah!!) I took him to see some pictures we had taken on other ocasions we had gone out, trying to ease the situation..but he was serious, smiled out of politeness, and didn't speak a single word. I said nothing else about it, went outside, thanked him, kiss on the cheek, and he left.

OK! My thing is that, the way I've been raised, and taught about guys, is that the guy is supposed to be your boyfriend before you kiss! I think that the guy needs to verbally tell the girl "would you like to be my girlfriend" and after she says "yes" THEN it's ok to kiss, and hug, hold hands..etc whatever it is that couples do...HOW DOES THIS WORK NOWADAYS????

Does a kiss without verbalization initialize a relationship??? Is that what most guys do? I am confused about this! I mean, my problem is that he hasn't SAID ANYTHING! He hasn't like, enamoured me! He doesn't tell me, that I look beautiful, that he likes me, that I have a glow in my eyes, WHATEVER! JUST ANYTHING!

It is very frustrating because I really do like him! But the problem is that he has one more year of college in Georgia, so we'd be apart, and I live in Florida and most likely finish my undergradtuate education here. I don't even know if he already has a girlfriend up there! I know nothing about his relationhip history because he never brings up the subject, and I don't want to seem too forward by asking him straight out about his previous relationships. (by the way, I'm 18 and he's 22)

The thing is, I don't want to be a summer romance or a summer fling. I am not that kind of girl. What I was hoping is that he would tell me what he felt, and either wait and see when he comes back, or start a long distance thing.

I really would like some thoughts and opinions about my situation. Especially about the whole kiss thing. Is that normal? Does a kiss start a relationship? I need comments about the whole kiss situation. How will my reaction affect him?

I already told him that we need to speak about this and lay all the cards in the table, so in the next couple of days I'll be doing that.

I'm sorry for such a lenghty post! But I will really appreciate any advice. Thank you all very much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2000
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:06pm

No, a kiss does not solidify a relationship. If you were raised that you kiss after you become bf/gf then let him know that and any guy. Keep with your morals and values you were raised with and do not conform to today’s standard because next you will be on her with a guy who has wooed you with his words and treats you ok and you have kissed and make out all the time and wondering if it is a relationship. Stay firm and true and just let him know and he will adjust to your standards if he really wants you.

Marie


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Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:39pm
He likes you a lot, but it seemed was kinda embarassed/pissed that you turned your head when he tried to kiss you. Which would be understandable in that case. Instead of wondering what he's thinking, or where he's coming from, why don't you just ask him. Tell him how you feel or ask him what his intentions are towards you. You can say to him that you feel that if a guy wanted to ask you out, then this is what you need to do. And if you feel weird about kissing without being BF/GF then tell him that. If he wants to be your BF you should open the door to him, tell him what your thoughts are and see if he wants to be with you. I can understand the distance thing, but if you don't feel that its going to work out like that, then state your feelings.