When is the right time to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
When is the right time to move on?
2
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 4:22am

Hey,

I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on this situation. I started dating this guy 2 months ago and he has massive baggage. He went out with his ex gf for 1 and half years, during that time she cheated on him with a couple of guys and when he tried to get back together with her she told him that she's now going out with his best friend.

My problem is that he says he likes me a lot and I think he genuinely does. I enjoy spending time with him and getting to know him. The other night we had the "where is the realtionship going" and I asked him if he wants something to happen between us. He said yes, but he's not sure about getting into a relationship and he needs to take things slow because he's been hurt so badly from his ex.

So my question is, do you think that I should stick around seems this guy has been hurt so badly? and how do u think i should handle this situation? I don't exactly want a relationship and i don't want to push for one but i don't like feeling insecure and vulnerable in the sense that he can flirt or see other chicks because he's not prepared to be in a relationship with me. Am I just being paranoid and if so what should i do?

Thanks Jo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 6:54am

Jozie, it sounds a little like he wants his cake and to eat it too. He's given you enough make you think there *might* be a future....but not enough to give commitment.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be indicating my interest but stating that he can come and find me when he's ready for a committed relationship.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:42pm

Oh, please. While I'm sympathetic to the hurt he must have felt over his ex, *everyone's* been hurt! Healthy adults deal with it and move on, and realize that all relationships involve risk, so if you want the reward of being in one, you have to take the risk.

If he's not doing anything to deal with his baggage (like therapy), then his whole excuse is just that, an excuse. "Taking things slow" isn't going to change a darn thing.

I'd move on and let him know that if he ever changes his mind about giving a relationship with you a try, he can call you. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

Sheri