Best friend and love?
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| Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:16am |
I have been absolute best friends with him for nearly 5 years - we have always had an uncanny connecton - and enjoyed spending our time together one on one.
We were both married, and now are both dovorced. I was formally very close friends with his ex-wife, and he was formally friends with my ex-husband. His ex and my ex were friends - anyway, the breakdowns in our marriages were related to other individual problems within our respective marriages with our ex-spouses, and it just so happens that our marriage breakdowns had nothing to do with his and my friendship.
We have both been alone for over a year (aside from casual dating), and have been a shoulder to cry on for each other, since the begining of our friendship. BUT we were best buds even when our respective marriages were going realitivily well. In fact, we spent more time together with each other then we did our spouses. But it was because of our friendship, and not because of any "romance".
Recently, things have clicked between the two of us on a more romantic level, and we have had long heart to hearts about the situation. We have spent many evenings a week together since the begining of our friendship together (over 5 years) - on a purly innocent, friendship level, even when we were both *hapily* married to our exs.
We have decided to take our friendship to the next level, and neither one of us could be happier. It just seems to work. I feel that our long history of being best friends has resulted in a deep foundation of who we each are as a person and what our true goals are in life. There is nothing that either one of us doesnt know about the other.
I am just SO happy that things have clicked and here we are, still the two of us, best friends as always, but now even so much more. I feel like the end of a great romance fiction is where we are, ready to live happily ever after, together.
I just wonder if this relationship is predestination - meant to be - that we had oppertunities to have such a great friendship first, with so much foundation to build our romantic relationship upon.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? What are your thoughts on "meant to be"? I am just so amazed that something like this happens in real life, and not just in the movies or books.
We throughly discussed the implications of taking our relationship to the next level before we went there. This is not a rebound thing, this is not a hasty decision. It is two people who have deeply love one another for years already. Only difference is the romance - which is such a natural fit.
Opionions? Similar experiences? Other friends say that we shouldn't be together because we are such good friends, and why risk ruining our friendship together? But, we see it as truly being meant to be. It just makes sense. I must say, I never knew happiness like this could ever exist.

Thanks for your reply.
Both of our exs are out of state now (differnt states) and leading their own lives (of course entirly seperatly from one another).
It seems that everyone has drifted (except for my male BF & I), for the greater good.
I have not spoken to his ex in over 6 months. (even though she was a bridesmaid in my wedding). She is with her new guy, and totally wraped up in her new life, with no intrest in anyone or anything back home. My BF has spoken to my ex on rare occasion, when my ex has initiated the phone calls. He has no interest or desire to speak with my ex, and frankly cant stand him, but has tolarated the calls as a source of information for me.
As far as I can see it, there is no worry, no problem there.
I do think that both of our ex's would be hurt by the information that we are now together, but our exs hurt both of us severly, (in a maritial context per "couple", as well has he and my ex's friendship, and me and his ex's friendships). Those past connections have basically disinagrated, and therefor, frankly, neither one of us really cares. I know this sounds kinda harsh, but it is the reality of the situation.
Why should we (BF & I) not find true happiness together, because it "may" hurt our ex's, when they have both hurt both of us? They have moved on with their lives. Why shouldn't we?
When they do find out (if they ever do) about us, then they will have to deal with it. We cant live our lives worrying about them. If they are hurt by it, then they will just have to get over it. Like I have said, they have moved on themselves.
I dont want to sound harsh to your situation. Every situation is differnt. I just know that this answer is the proper answer in my situation. If we were still friends with each others exs, then I can totally understand where you are comming from. I would feel hurt if my gal pal hooked up with my ex husband if she and I were still friends. I totally get that point.
I do know if we learned that our ex's were together, then we wouldn't care. In fact, we have even joked about it in the past - "Wouldn't it be really funny if we ended up together and the exs ended up together. ha ha ha" - Only funny part is, we have actually ended up together.
If they could find happiness in one another, then so be it. It would be entirly differnt if we were still friends with our exs, and then this sort of information was learned. I just think that it doesnt matter since they have both walked out of both of our lives.
I am sorry that you were hurt by a similar situation. As I said, I would be hurt if she and I were still friends and then I learned she was with my ex. When we were still married to our exs, my ex used to say that she (BF's ex) was hotter then I was, and she looked like she would be dynamite in bed. I know how much that hurts.
Maybe it is part of the healing process from the exs, maybe it is due to the situation that we are no longer friends with each others exs - but like I said, I frankly dont care, and am frankly not going to pass an oppertunity to something wonderful because of people from our pasts.
My best to you.