Did I Handle This Correctly?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Did I Handle This Correctly?
2
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 1:20pm

I have posted questions about my current relationship within the last couple weeks, but I believe this one is the deal breaker...should I stay or go?

My boyfriend and I are in an exclusive relationship. This past week my BF's roomate's dog gave birth to puppies. Niether of them had seen a dog give birth and weren't sure what to do. So, when my BF called and told me "Sammy" was having her pups I told him that I was meeting a GF for coffee but wouldn't be late and asked if he would like me to stop over to help. He paused and replied, "maybe." I asked what he meant by "maybe" and he said he had to "see what was going on." I just let it go figuring he probably had to see what his rooommate wanted to do first. An hour and a half later my GF and I were finishing up so I called my BF again to see if he wanted me to stop by. He replied, again, with "maybe," and asked me to call him when I left. Then, right before he hung up he told me not to flirt with any guys and said bye. I was shocked he said that because I haven't seen him act "jealous" before. I ended up leaving a little later than I thought so I decided to just drive home. I called my BF to let him know and a couple minutes into our conversation he asked again if I had flirted with any guys. I asked if he was being serious or just joking around. He said he was being serious. I told him that we were in an exclusive relationship which I respected and I felt the question was ridiculous and I didn't feel I needed to answer it. He replied with "Hmmmm, so you don't think you should answer the question??" I said no and let him go because it was obvious to me that the conversation was not going in a positive direction.

The following day he called and asked if I was upset about something because I had barely answered his texts that day. I explained to him that I feel trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and it upset me that he didn't trust me. He said he did and that he was just joking around the night before. ??? I told him that was confusing to me because I like to trust that when I ask him if he's being serious and he says he is that he is, and the night before he said he was serious. He asked me if I thought I was overreacting and I said no. He said he was sorry if it upset me that much. I asked him to please just not let it happen again. I, also, explained that when I asked to stop over and he kept saying "maybe" that it made me feel like I wasn't a priority and that even if he would have answered with "no" it would have been better than "maybe." I asked him what was stopping him from giving me a yes or no answer and he said he was just being a wise ass.

So, of course, I am not feeling overly excited about a relationship with someone who likes to be a "wise ass" at my expense or with someone who cannot trust me (especially when I have given them no reason not to trust me). Did I handle that situation the correct way? Should I give it another chance now that he knows how I feel? Thanks in advance for any advice! ~MO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 2:16pm

mindimarie0930...

PG doesn't know your b/f....but doubts he would enjoy meeting him?

Instead...he'll offer two words......"CONTROL FREAK!"

Now...does this tell you anything about the man you thought you were in love with?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 6:47pm

Mindimarie, I was looking for your old questions for some more context. I like to have a good picture of what's going on. But I couldn't find them - searched back to early May. So, I'll be answering without them.

I'm going to reply to your question with another question: "would you be really upset if you broke up?" The fact that you've had other problems and are wondering if this is a dealbreaker makes me think that you're looking for an excuse to get out.

And you know what? It's perfectly OK to dump someone you're dating if they're not the man you want. Quite frankly, many women are far too forgiving and stay much longer than they should.

People say things like "relationships take lots of hard work", but that's rubbish. Only bad relationship take lots of hard work. A good relationship is easy.

The other thing to remember is that the longer you stay with Mr Wrong, the longer it will be before you find Mr Right.

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