Wow, I just don't know
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| Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:00pm |
Kinda long and my apologies...
(FYI I am 37 with 2 kids and he is 24)
Well, we both play World of Warcraft.
He was new to the 'area' let's just say and we heard each other's voice in Vent and were intrigued.
We started playing more and more together and started missing each other when one wasn't around.
Then heavy, heavy flirting started... and one day, he just decided to come see me. So we met up, had dinner, it was awesome. We did end up having sex... but we'd cybered before that so well... yeah.
Since then... we've pretty much been inseparable. He's come to see me twice after that and I saw him twice.
The last time we saw each other was middle of June. I was supposed to stay 10 days and find a job while I was there (I found one the 3rd day). The night before that, I brought up our troubles (he'd broken up with me 10 days before I was to come down there, but I talked him into letting me come down anyway to find a job and in the interim, we fell back into the relationship).
I expected a talk about what was bothering him and stuff like that, instead, he brought up the 'not ready to be a father' and 'my parents won't accept you' excuses. So I cried all night, he cried with me. He cried 'don't go' and held me tight...
The next day, he had said that he had wished that I hadn't brought it up then, that he had wanted a few more days with me in the hopes it would change his mind... so I acted like it didn't happen and I got the job.... Things were GREAT the next couple of days. He even asked me to stay another week and I agreed.
We were in bliss... then he wrote in my book the day before I was supposed to go home... that he was breaking up with me, but I wasn't allowed to read it until I got home.
I miss my plane and we agree that I would stay til Sunday. We get in an argument that Friday morning and he tells me that he's broken up with me in the book and that it would be smart to find the next plane home.
I was at work at my new job when that happened... he picks me up and I cry all night. We talk some, we even have sex (no, it wasn't a ploy to get him back, I wanted to have the memory).
The next day, on the way to the airport, I hold his hand, he holds it back. Won't let go the whole way. We kiss at the airport...
He said we can't be together... that he didn't want to be with me...
But every time I try to walk away... he won't let me... (one of his statements in the past couple of days when I told him I'd found a situation similar to ours in 'He's Just Not That Into You': "Do you really think that if you walked away from me that you would find someone who loves you like I do? Who cares for you like I do?") Does that sound like a man that doesn't want to be with me?
so now, he wants to have me as his friend until I move down, and then he wants to date me. With no sex and no assumptions.
He says that it was like marriage from the beginning... instead of bf/gf...
He says he wants to be with me, but he wants to do it right... I don't think he's had this kind of love before. I don't think he realizes that he can't fight that kind of love. I think he will find that once I'm down there... He will lose himself in me again.
But ... its just a month or so. If I can make it that long without screwing it up and making demands, that means we WERE meant to be together.

wow..sorta a bittersweet tale..
couple of the things..if this guy wants to "do it right", let him pack HIS bags and move to you; the flip-flop attitude he has..fine,he's confused, remember..confused people,confuse people(just been thru one of those "confusing" things myself and have just gained the clarity recently..had to take my power back)..don't think a month is going to clear up alot of that confusion..you are questioning how he feels about you..doing some speculation based his words not on his actions..("What you DO speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you are saying" Ralph Waldo Emerson)..you also don't mention the time frame here..how long you have known each other or what your children think of this..
Ok, on the moving thing: I was going to move anyway due to job issues, he just gave me a city to concentrate on, it will be good for my kids education/activity-wise. (I don't want to stay here, in other words).
His ACTIONS (making love to me, holding my hand, kissing me, not wanting me out of his life) tell me he wants me, its his words that are confusing...
Time frame: We've been dating since mid-December. It DID happen REALLY fast. We are both slow people (I was with my ex-hus for 6 years before we even married) and this falling hopelessly in love with each other thing threw both of us for a loop... We really did act like a married couple. When people found out we'd broken up, they were shocked 'you guys are so good together' they'd say.
He even said himself that he wanted the extra time with me because he wanted to spend as much time with me as he could before he 'had to give' me up. That he'd lost himself in me when I was there. So, he's never said that he didn't WANT to be with me... but it went from him SAYING 'I can't' to 'I do, but ... I want to do it right'...
My kids? They are disappointed because they really liked him and they liked that he made me happy. It scared them to see mom crying so hard.