He's hot/cold & confusing me!
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| Sun, 07-23-2006 - 9:50pm |
I've cried so many tears in the past few months, I can't take it anymore. We've been together for 8months- and I've truly never felt this way about someone before in my life. I'm 27, he's 29. The first few months moved VERY fast- we fell in love quick, talked marriage w/in the first 2months, went ring shopping,etc. HE brought up the marriage thing first. We did decide that we should wait & know each other better. Then the relationship got a little rocky because of perosonal things I was going through & caused some friction. Basically I couldn't find a job & was living in a place I knew no one else (I had moved to be with him, although we weren't living together).
We both decided to move back to where I lived. He job transferred him 3hrs from my home. We were long distance for a few months. He called one day & said "Let's move in together, I want to be together more". I thought "Ok, great!". I left a job (which I hated anyway- he had a great job that's why I decided to move). It was only 3hrs from where I was living, in the same state, & I had some friends over there so the transition would be easy. We were all set, I started moving things in- 1 week before I was physically moving in he called me "I think this is too fast, we aren't ready, I'm sorry". We wound up breaking up that night, this was end of March. I was furious, after moving my stuff in, quitting my job, etc.
We sparingly emailed from there- he kept reaching out to me again & I kept it to the point. We didn't speak for awhile & then he called me to arrange him dropping my things off. Well, we saw each other- he poured his heart out to me "I didn't meant to break up, I just thought we weren't ready to live together, this was the biggest mistake I've made. I love you, I want you back, etc etc"...tears & all. I love him too- I took him back. THings were good for a week- then he stood me up one weekend!
I didn't speak/see him for over a month. I feel into depression- I still had no job, had no idea where my life was headed & lost him...I went to couseling, was in anti-depressents & I by the end of the month, I was finally feeling like me again- happy! Of ocurse I thuoght of him everyday & missed him. SO, after a month+ of no contact, he leaves me a voicemail that he is in town near me. I ignored him & he kept calling. Finally I picked up & was kinda rude to him. But, then we saw each otehr. We spent the entire night talking until the sun rose. I thuoght it was great- we had this "breakthrough" and he opened up to me about things I did to hurt him as well. (I have a tendency to snap back & say mean things & I hurt him). We spent the rest of the weeked together...adn the next as well.
So, we've been back together over a month & things were great! We are still LD & haven't seen each other in a few weeks due to conflicting scedules. He calls all the time, everything good- I can see changes. Then, he gets a call from his old boss wanting him back up north- offering him a great package. I told him to do what's best for him, although I would be sad to see him leave, especially since things are going to good. He told me I am the only thing holding him back...he asked if I would consider moving up there too. I still don't have a job now & am miserable where I am living. I started looking for jobs for kicks- and long & behold- I am flying up this week for 7 interviews!! I have lived in this area before, I like the city, have friends there, so I am excited about the possible move. I need a change from where I am & most importantly a JOB!
Fast forward to this week. Exactly one week from tonight he calls me. He has been thinking about buying a house instead of renting. He wants me to live with him- his exact words were "I've been thinking alot today & I know what I want. I want you, I want our life together, it will be so great living together, I am so tired of this distance- it causes so much stress & fustration. I know we will get married someday, so let's start living together now".... We had a great conversation & I said "Well, think about this hard because I don't want another repeat". He siad "I was nervous last time, but I am 100% sure about this now".... We spoke all week, and I asked him again "DO you still feel the same? I am scared of you pulling back again"... He said "I sure do feel the same".
So, we had tenitive plans this weekend... spoke Friday afternoon, got in a little tif because he wanted to see his friends since this is his last weekend here before he moves. I said "FIne, see then friday night, then we can have the rest of the weekend- we haven't seen each other in a few weeks & I am traveling the next few weeks". I told him I felt "shifted" & he didn't understnad why I felt that way. He said he is really stressed out right now w/the move & he has to figure out where to store his furniture, has to find a temp place to live, etc etc. He said "I'll call you back in a bit"..well, here it is 2.5days later & no call!!! I saw him online earlier & wrote "Have another change of heart?" and he ignored me.
I have no idea what's going on now- is he disappearing for a month again?? How can he tell me all those things 1 week ago & now this??? I do love him & want to be with him...but it's so difficult! I want a normal relationship! I'm leaving Wed. for my job interviews.... I am probably going to move no matter what because I need a job.... But, why does he keep going back & forth?? Will he come back again?? In my head I think "ok, maybe we just actually live in the same city in our own places & date like noraml, we've never done that- maybe it will work then"... but how does he go back& forth so much & talk about moving in & marriage to me & then disappear???? Any explanations???
THe distance teh past few months have been difficult- when we do actually get to spend time together, it's great & we don't miss a beat. It's the time's we are apart that are hard & it's usually tiffs about when we can see each other next. I can see myself with him in the future when we are ourselves & spending time togeher. We talk about the future alot.... and we both want the same things & want them together...so what's the problem?

The problem is yours and not his. You're the one allowing this sick game of "I love you I love you not" to happen. You have no boundaries what so ever and he thinks it's OK to tell you "honey drop it all and move here with me" and then a week later he tells you "sorry, but it wouldn't work"...then a few weeks later he comes again with the same crappy game and you take him back and quit your job and such. The third time you take him on his offer again and he disappears now. His behavior does not fit with his words...he's one of those men who likes to say yes and then no. He's not giving your persona and time any respect.
If you move up north good for you. Find a place and minggle with your friedns and get a job. Forget about him. He may come back with the same stupid excuse "I'm sorry I got scared, unstable, blah, blah". It'd be dumb of you to belive a another word that comes out of his mouth and sick mind.
Red flags:
>fell in love quick (eek, gasp..love does not happen quickly, it grows over time);
>talked of marriage after two months (eek, gasp, GULP! run woman run..)
>cancelled the move on you one week before AFTER you had quit your job! (AHH!)
Now, he's asking you to move in with him again and he's not contacting you on a regular basis to give you an update on the situation. Moving in with someone is a REALLY serious thing..
There's an old saying "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on ME!"
Something's not right here...this guy is either a total flake or he's got someone on the side..IMO..