Does Love Last??
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Does Love Last??
| Thu, 07-27-2006 - 3:59pm |
What makes a person fall in love....
What makes a person fall OUT OF LOVE?
Is there a point when you just know that you have no feelings for the person you once loved?
If love is real, then it should last forever, right?


>>If love is real, then it should last forever, right?<<
No. Because people change.
We love someone because they have the qualities we are looking for at that given time.
However, if the partner grows and changes in a different direction, we can fall out of love with them. Likewise, if we grow and change and then discover that our partner is no longer someone who meets our new needs - we can fall out of love.
Or perhaps a partner used to treat us well and then for whatever reason changes and starts to treat us badly. We fall out of love.
placebo79...
Pianoguy thinks there are dozens of opinions that can be shared with your question.
BUT...
Here are his thoughts:
1. A man and woman can fall in love and have the utmost respect for one another. But as they get to know each other (strengths and weaknesses combined)...certain habits have a tendency to hit the forefront. And whichever habits are more appealing or annoying, this determines our desire to be with someone else.
2. When you invent excuses not to be with, share time, or even talk to the person you're supposed to be IN LOVE WITH...that's a good 'cue' that things are deteriorating. Taking the type of work you do or long-distance aside...if you find yourself deliberately avoiding contact...it's a pretty good bet you're getting sick of the partner you've chosen!
3. When you encounter another person who appears to be more appealing than the one you currently have...this will often trigger your brain for a change! Whether that change is REALLY a better one is anybody's guess?
4. Speaking of change...ALL OF US DO...whether we realize it or not. There are always dreams, goals, health problems, job issues and life changes! Some are predictable, some are unexpected! Depending upon the partner you're with, he or she might be capable of "going with the flow"....while others find it easier to cash in their chips and split!
Hopefully...the above helped you...at least a little?
Pianoguy
"If love is real, then it should last forever, right?"
I think love is like energy, it can neither be created nor destroyed.
I think what we think of as romantic love often morphs into other types of love and becomes a part of new loves. I still love my high school sweetheart and the guy I dated for three years after him. I married neither. I felt the love either had or would change and that we had/would grow apart rather then together.
I just got married last October. With this man I feel I have found a partner that not only do I love profoundly, but I feel I am compatble with and will be able to grow with for the rest of my life. I've also reached an emotional maturity I did not possess in those other relationships. A maturity I feel he shares with me and wants to work on with me.
It is the fact that we both recognize that we will grow and change and that it takes commitment, communication, understanding, and a lack of judgement in a relationship to allow two people to grow and change and yet not grow apart. It is also because we see love and being commtited to our love not as what will save us but as our pragmatism and problem solving and communication skills as what will save and preserve our love.
I still cherish memories of past loves, as does my husband, they have brought us the knowledge we needed to allow our love to flourish and be sustained. Those loves have changed, but they haven't died. They survive in what we share today.
Should this love one day change it won't be gone either. It will be cherished as well and nutured in something new.
Here's a list for ya.
-Lying and hiding things from the other person
-Making excuses on not seeing each other
-The lack of seeing each other, or having any personal time
-Truely hating them for something they did, whether ir be cheating or a trust issue that the other person can't get over
-Knowing the other person isn't willing to work on the RL, or is too immature to even be in one.
-Other major difference in each other lives
I could go on and on, but that's about all I can think of right now. With my last RL, I still love my ex, but I'm not in love with him...and haven't been for a long time. As far as my feelings towards him, it will take time for be to be comfy knowing that I'll see him with another girl or talking about it. I just reminder myself that he's not going to ever be up to "my standards", and that I will always be better than him. That makes me feel better with that.
For one of my ex's, I went out with him when I was 18, I stopped talking to him when I was 20, and it took me a good year after that to fully be over him. With my current ex, I think I'll need to cut off communication fully in order to get over him, but that will take some time.
As far as love lasting forever, I think you can fall out of love with someone and then fall back "in love" with them. If you are in a marriage, it takes work keeping that love alive. But both parties need to work on it.
I'm not an expert, but this is my take on love...
I think there are different types of love. I think the "in love" feelings are very unlikely to last forever (although I've heard stories about a lucky few). In the beginning of a relationship, those butterflies, racing heart, obsessive thoughts... that is what I think most people associate with being in love. But the chemicals that cause that rush goes away after a while. When those feelings subside, you can start seeing the other person in a more objective way. If you are truly compatible (people who say that their partner is also their best friend) the love is still there, but it's not the same as it was when you got all giddy just from hearing his voice. Or it might be at this point where you look at the other person and think, "What did I ever see in you?" because aside from making you feel "high" (for a lack of a better word) in the beginning, you realize you don't have all that much in common. And in this case, love will probably die because there isn't something more substantial to back it up.