It's Finally Over

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
It's Finally Over
3
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 8:31am

Last night I had it with my BF and told him I was done. Basically throughout this whole RL, there's been the trust issue with him. From thinking it's ok to go over a single female friends house, to lying about looking at other dating sites and me catching him, to flirting back and forth with a 34 year old single mother on myspace. I told him to stop talking to this girl, and we work on our RL or it's over. He did this whole "I should be able to do whatever and whenever" and he was tired of being watched over and me keeping tabs. I said that none of this is acceptable to me, I don't feel loved anymore and you don't treat me with respect. Because of the fact he's lied to me before and the trust has been gone, I had no reason to trust him anymore. I told him you dont go over female friends houses whenever you feel like it, you constantly hide stuff from me, and when I ask you questions about it, you get all upset.

So when that conversation was over, then he said I've never had any reason not to trust you, and I said of course because I've never given you a reason, but yet you have given me every reason not to trust you and you can't see the problem in that. I said that I have wasted so many years on you trying to make this work, and obviously I've now gotten to the point where I know you don't want to put any effort or work into this. He said it's not worth having this RL if there's no trust, and I said yeah I can't trust you and you don't want to work on that with me. Then he wanted to do "I need a break" crap, and I said no we either work on this or I'm done..that's it. I said do you want to work on this relationship with me, he said "I shouldn't have to work on it"...and I said a RL takes work to make it work...it just doesn't happen. Then I said we'll since you don't wanna do a f*cking thing with us then I have my answer...and then I said "ya know you can sleep on it or whatever but I've said my peace and right now I need to leave cause I'm sick of looking at you" and then I left.

I've gotten up this morning, no emails, no phone calls, no nothing...it's been very quiet.
My mom said to me this morning... well this is the first day of the rest of your life..what are you going to do today. That's really a interesting way of putting it. I've gone thru more than enough torment to last a lifetime with this guy (4 years), and for the way I'm feeling right now, I feel good about moving on. I need to take time to heal from all of this and move on with the rest of my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 11:31am
CONGRATS!!! It takes so much courage to do what you did, especially after 4 years! You should be proud of yourself!!! Your mother is right, it is the first of the rest of your life - enjoy it and savor yourself! There is so much out there waiting for you...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 11:56am

Good for you! It sounds like you made absolutely the right decision for yourself.

That's not to say the grieving process will be easy (even when you know it's the right decision, you still have to go through the process), but when you're done with it, you'll be in a position to find a trustworthy, honest man.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 12:16pm
Congratulatuons!! Your mother is right. It's the first day of the rest of your life. Go and make it the best.

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