Am I just being paranoid?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Am I just being paranoid?!
3
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 10:52am

I recently met this guy online. After talking over the net for awhile and him being very charming and very nice he asked for my number. I gave it to him and we talked for hours over the phone. We just seemed to click. He asked me out on a date and we went out and had a fabulous time. It was just an instant connection and attraction for us. He said all through the night he couldn't believe he met someone like me. Over the next few days we talked on the phone and had one more date. He seemed very into me. He was very sweet and said he'd never met anyone like me and he had never felt this way.

Typically, I wouldn't fall for stuff like this, but he had gotten out of a marriage 6 months ago and he had been with her since high school. He's very honest and told me some very personal thoughts and experiences with me. I don't think he'd talk about that with just anyone. So, although you might think I'm just falling for this guy and he's pulling one over on me- I really don't think so.

He came over a couple days ago for dinner and for some reason I had doubts in my head. I wasn't that giddy. I just got the impression he wasn't into me anymore. Although, he acted exactly the same way he's always acted. The next morning he called me right away and then emailed me again in the afternoon. Question is- do you think I'm being paranoid by my gut feeling?

Oh, one other thing. He has 2 kids that he shares 50/50 with. So, last night he had his kids and he didn't call me. Normally, he calls everday. But, he could've fallen asleep with them or something. It was strange he didn't call. I think I'm being crazy, but just wanted to see if someone else had a different opinion. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 2:04pm
He may not be thinking in dating you seriously yet. He's gotten out of a marriage six months ago and has 2 children that he shares custody of. He may not be interested in having his children exposed to a situation that might not be permanent and that's why didn't call you. It's also possible that you're the rebound and that now he's seen in you what his marriage lacked of. Be careful because the rebounds are almost always not a permament thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 2:05pm

How old are you both first off, and second have you been married before and how long ago was your last relationship? Be careful in this, it's a possibilty that you could be a rebound too...but then again you never know. Trust your instincts in all of this.

I think in cases where you have a guy who's fresh off of a divorce, you need to understand that it's a transition time for him. Think about it like this, if you were in a LTR with someone, and for whatever reason it ended, don't you think you would have a transition period too? But marriages can be a different story, and with kids involved.

What were your doubts about him? Was it the fact that he didn't call when he had his kids? Or was it something else? If it were his kids, I would talk with him tell him what your feelings are and what he thinks about it. But the fact that you haven't been with this guy for long, you can't expect a lot right now. I find that the less expectations and the less you make contact with someone, the more they contact and want you...make sense? I would just say, hey I missed ya over the weekend since I didn't hear from you... or something like that. Something that's not overbearing, but gets the point across. But he also needs to understand that if he pursues anything further with you, that the time with his kids and you will need to be addressed at some point.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 1:15am
Ask for his home phone number. If he won't give it to you...run. If he does, call it. Also, you should be able to pull his divorce file at his local courthouse to make sure he's legit.