Is this worth it??
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| Thu, 08-03-2006 - 10:12pm |
Hello all!
I've been seeing this guy long distance for about three months. We've only spend a little time in each other's company (that was when we first met), and haven't seen each other since. I feel like I want to try to make things work with him, however....
1.He's sometimes difficult to communicate with because of his seemingly self-centered nature. He's the kind of guy who doesn't seem to be open to things that he hasn't experienced or been associated with.
2.He can be a bit harsh.
3.He rarely gives a straight answer to a question. Even if I as a simple question, it's always, "define what you mean by xyz."
4.I told him that there's no reciprocity in our conversations: I ask specific questions: "How's your Math class?" "How was work?" "Did you do well on your test?"
He asks, "How's it going? "Everything okay with you?"
5.He sometimes allows things to consume him to the point where he shuts me out. The other day, he called me and told me that we may not be talking for a while until he "straightens some things out." I told him that this was unacceptible, and that I wouldn't be with someone who would do that. He apologized and said he wouldn't do that again.
Positive things:
1.He makes me laugh.
2.I know that he'll be a good provider some day.
....I'm having a hard time coming up with other things. I gues that answers my question, huh?
I want to make this work; however, more and more everyday, I feel like I'm wasting my time.
Any insight??

rivegauche25...
Pianoguy has a question for you:
Is having a "good provider" along with a few laughs an adequate exchange for a man who appears to be argumentative, a non-communicator, evasive with his answers and distant towards you?
You know the answer to this one better than any of us.
It really comes down to a choice between you "tolerating his personality" or just walking away into a relationship with somebody who acts a bit more NORMAL?
Pianoguy
If you are coming up with more negative than positive things at this point in the RL, then there's a problem. He's going to keep doing the same stuff he's always been doing regardless of what you have to say, or what you might think. He's not going to change, so don't waste your time thinking that he might do that now or in the future. Has he even bothered to make a trip out to see you at all???? Don't make excuses for his actions either. You are trying to work at something that's long distance, and you haven't even seen him since you first met.
That's really juvenile that he's telling you, we aren't going to talk for a while because he's got things to fix...WTF is that? He can't even come up with a reasonable explaination, or some kind of work around? That's just some kiddy excuse, and that he can't even tell you what the deal is should make you wonder even more about this guy. You should stop wasting your time with this guy, HE'S A LOOOOOSER! You've got one life to live, and it's precious. Wouldn't you want to be with someone that wants to be with you, and that's CLOSE BY? You shouldn't have to worry about kiddy stuff like that, because all that means he isn't worthy of being your girlfriend...someone better is!
Good Luck!
I totally agree with the other two posters, but I'd like to take it one step deeper.
I know that what I'm about to ask may be a little hard to take, but I'm really genuinely concerned for you, so please keep that in mind.
WHY are you even considering trying to make a go of it with a guy who you barely know and what you do know of him is pretty much bad?
What is it in you that you think is making you so desparate for a connection with a guy that you would even consider remaining friends with a person like this let alone have a more intimate relationship with him?
If you choose not to look at yourself and answer these questions, there is a very good chance you will find yourself in a similar situation even if you remove yourself formt his one. I understand, it's hard to find these answers, but they are there indside you and once you answer them and address them you'll start finding much better quality men or at least avoiding the bad ones quickly.