What's his deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
What's his deal?
2
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:14am

Hi.

I work with a guy I know is attracted to me. We've kissed a few times (he's initated, but I've given him "the look"). We have our one night a week we go out (he created)...usually to a bar where we have a drink and chat about our week. Many times that lasts until the wee hours of the morning.

The problem is, we're not nearly as physical as I would like to be. We've been hanging out for about 3 months now and we've only kissed a handful of times (granted, when we did...it was for hours at a time make out sessions).

All of the body language clues are there too...the dilated pupils, the similar body positions when we're together, etc. More and more lately, he's been paying for meals, holding doors open etc.

Sounds like we're on the right track, right? Well I wonder sometimes. He knows how strongly I feel for him, but rarely does he tell me I'm pretty or pay other complements. I don't know why he's not saying it...but I need to hear it. I also would like to figure out how to get him to make more of a move on me...

Some of my friends say I need to pull away from him in order for him to really step up and take an interest. I'm worried that if I do that, he may think I'm no longer interested and move on.

So my question is: Is it a good idea to become "unavailable" for a while? How do I know he's smitten enough to do that and have this work out in my favor? And how do I keep my sanity from being away from him outside of the office? (I should also note when we're at work, we're 100 percent professional and keep this under wraps).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2000
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 10:40am
I’d first ask what are you wanting a relationship or FWB? Currently you’re on the verge of being FWB if the relationship goes any further without any set dynamics. Just because he has began to pay and doing all the things a BF does doesn’t make him a BF. If you want to date then I’d mention it to him. You said your friends so you should be able to mention it with out it becoming a problem. The pull away method wouldn’t work here because you are friends, you didn’t meet and begin to date and you want him to be more aggressive in pursuing you, so it wouldn’t work. What you want is for you both to get physical so work out under which terms you want to get physical and then go from there

Marie


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Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 9:35am

Ohhh, I've been in a position like that before. But there wasn't any kissing or hanging out, we just hooked up once. If you are looking for a relationship, I would hold off on sex. I would straight up ask him, so do you date co-workers...or something like that. Just tell him that your interested in getting to know him a little better. And if not then you have your answer. If you are looking for just a hookup, I wouldn't do that in an office setting. It's REALLY difficult to look at that person the next day without wanting to tear their clothes off.

I think if you really want to know what his deal is, you need to be upfront. Ask him what he thinks of you, and were "this" is going. With the way that he's acting, I think he likes you, but cant understand why he hasnt made a move yet. I think pulling away from him might be a good idea, maybe even date other guys, and then tell him about it and see what his reaction is.