I don't know what to think......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
I don't know what to think......
2
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 3:54pm

Hi

I am not sure what to do about this situation. My BF and I have been together 8 months now. We love each other and things had been going well until the last few weeks / month. He is trying to start his own business so he has been extremly busy. We have not really spent any time together and I have felt him drifting away. He was always a talker and very emotional (in a good way). We have always been able to discuss our feelings about things. He's also become terribly self centered, he just goes on and on about business. I have been very supportive and have tried to let it go. He wants it and I want it for him. I don't have to be the center of attention, but it would be nice for him to ask how my day was and not interrupt me with a business thing when I start to tell him.

We talked about it and he said he's just been busy, admitted that he was not 100 positive about me, the business and his kids but thought about it a lot. He wants us to say together and that he loves me very much. He is just having a hard time balencing and setting boundaries. We have had our share of issues.

I had told him how hurt I was by him pulling away and the things he said. I am leaving for a few days and he is going out out state for a week so we talked about taking a break. Not seeing anybody else, but he has some family issues and a few big deals coming up and I wanted him to concentrate on that. I know I have been a wreck and a pain in the ass........... I thought it might help.

Here's the issue now, I was playing around online and I found him on a dating site. I put his "screen name" from the site we used in to a search engine and it pulled it up. We had been on break like 3 hours....... Now it's a weird situation, the site info was like 3 yrs old or better. However, it said last updated 7/22/06 and on within the last 5 days. I freaked out, however, I errored in my ways. His profile was hidden. It was cause for sure I made a fake account and searched for it several times. I couldn't pull it up. I couldn't get it through search at all -- it didn't dawn on me until later when he showed me it was hid. For whatever reason if I entered his profile number it came up, but it woudn't come up in the searches. I really don't get it.

Well I went to his house. He opened the account and showed me there was nothing in it. I spoke to him before I arrived so he could have changed it. The profile was hiden remember I couldn't find it in the search. He said he goes in and looks from time to time since they send out those matches also said that he was tring to figure out how to turn it off.

Now I am even more off. He went in and took it down, but I just don't know what to think. We are fighting all the time now. He said he's not looking for anybody. We have had other women issues, which is what makes me suspicious........ the cell phone is always ringing (it has gotten much better in the 8 months cause I complained about it). He has lots of female friends, some I don't mind at all. One he insisted was a friend and didn't like him, ending up liking him. You know, when you know, know what I mean?? He used to get phone calls at 3 am (not in a few months either, put a stop to it). Caught him emailing women a few months ago on Hot or Not -- took it down right away. He said they were just emailing as friends.

Plus some other stuff has happened... it has kind of snowballed and I am not sure what to think or do? I feel really confused and he has sent up some red flags, however, he has always fixed them and we have always found a way to compromise. Now he is saying that he will try to come here atleast once a week so we can spend more time together. A lot has been said and I am just hurt by the way he has treated me and finding that profile ( Like I said the info was like 3 yrs old and hidden, but it said updated and online in 5 days??!!) just sent me over the edge. I don't know what to think? Any advice?

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Gershwin, Bach & Gu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2000
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 10:15am
I've responded to your post on the other board.

Marie


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“ Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. ”- Romans 15:2

Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:47am

OH Nooooooo...time to kick this looser to the curb! If he's being distance and selfish, and he's going on dating sites like that, and then trying to hide his actions...DUMP HIM NOW!

You have every damn right to be noisy and doing the things you are doing. Females calling him up, strange phone calls, etc...that aint right at all. Now you have been with this guy for less than a year, so at least you have time to get out of it while you can, and not get any deeper into it. You don't go on dating sites and e-mail them as friends! That's BS.

Girl it's time to find a more mature man that wants to be with you and that you don't ever have to worry about.