What does he really want??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
What does he really want??
2
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 7:34pm

Okay, see the thing with this guy goes like this:

I met him on early July when I was in my country for summer vacations, we started as a summer fling and then everything just kept getting more serious (at least that's how he's acting.) I'm 20 yrs. old, he's 25, I live in MA and he's a soccer player who is staying in PR for now, he travels a lot, but he's originally from LA. Now, he's got me confused about what he really wants. When we were toghether we were having a great time, going out with our friends, (I met him because of my best girlfriend),and I though that's how it was gonna stay, just as something that happened cassually. Just before I left to MA we were spending a lot of time toghether, I even stayed with him at his apt. for a week, and yes, we had sex. Everything lasted like 3 weeks, but I can really say I like him, possibly fell in love with him. When we spoke about our situation, being so far from each other, he said that he'll come & visit me, and I could go to LA. Since the day I left to MA he's been telling me how he misses me and how he wants us to workout seriously, because he wants to be with me in a future. He said that he understands I'm in college but he wanted to keep talking because you never know what might happen in a future,I mean, he even talked about kids!!! See, that is what I don't get, is he really involved with me or is he just saying those things to keep me thinking? Sometimes he acts like he cares about us, but it's so hard for me to trust him. He travels a lot because of the soccer games, and after every game he goes out with his teamates to clubs and parties, I know many of the players, and they are PLAYERS, they'll sleep with random girls just because, and I am so afraid that he'll do the same, after all they are his friends, and they are the ones with whom he spends all of his time. Now, everytime they go out he always calls me like 3 times during the night, even when he gets to the hotel room, but still I am so afraid. Besides, everytime I go out he's always so jealous, and even gets mad & has an attitude, and that leads me to think that he may be doing something, but at the same time I think that when I go out he's afraid that I'm going to meet a guy the same way we met. I kissed him like an hour after we met, and that was my mistake, but hey, I was drunk, he was cute, I was having fun, I was on vacations!!! I never though we would be serious. Lately, we've been arguing a lot, and I don't call him just to see if he'll call me, and he does, but like at 6pm, after the whole day has gone by. I try to talk to him, like tell him how my day was, and he won't pay attention. When I get mad because he's not paying attention to a word I say and try to hang up he'll be like "no, whom do u have to call, what do u have to do?". I even try to get to now him better by asking questions about his family and last relationships, and he'll tell me, but he won't ask anything about me, like he doesn't care.
So I ask myself, why does he want to keep talking with me for, he knows we are far away, he knows that if he doesn't visit me on winter we'll see each other next summer, he can have a relationship with any girl down there in PR, I don't understand this guy. I don't know if he's really serious about us or what? I just wish I could be with him, it's so hard trying to make things work when we are so far from each other, but at the same time I can't stop thinking about him, and I miss him everyday!
So what do you think girls??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 5:53am

I think you're still hung up on the way he acted when you were togther during your summer vacation. But Hon, that's past and he's not giving you anything you need now.

You must stop thinking about how it used to be and look at what you've got now:

The relationship is LDR
His friends are players
You don't trust him
He's jealous when you go out
He gets mad and has attitude
You've been arguing a lot
He doesn't pay attention to what you have to say
He doesn't ask you about you or your day
He seems to not care about you

The question isn't "what is he thinking?". Let's face it, even if he DOES want to marry you and have babies, it's quite clear that he's the wrong guy for you.

Rather the question is "why are you in a relationship man who treats you in an unacceptable manner?"

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 9:25am

I think you just need to move on from this guy. He sounds like bad news, if he's not interested in how your day when or what you were up to, then he's got the problem...not you. If any guy that you meet is interested in you, and wanted to pursue something he would do everything he could to do just that. But it seems like this guy has some feelings for you, but is messed up in the head.

For whatever time and fun you had with him, I would just remember the memories and move on. Yeah this guy can go and sleep with all kinds of girls and have other girls on the side, and you can do the same. You aren't married or engaged to this guy, so there's no reason to hang around and wait for him. I think you miss him because of the short time you were with him, and yeah sex does make things a bit worse. Sounds like he may want you to be the "obedient" girlfriend, doesn't care about you...cause it's all about him. SCREW THAT!

If I were you I'd stop calling him and cut off communication completely, don't answer the phone, email, etc. Girl, why waste you time on someone that doesn't even live near you? Waste your time on someone guy near by...it's more worth your time. I would try this with him, ask him if he wants to know how your day went, and what your family is like? If you ask him questions like that, and he give a I don't care...or why don't you tell me kinda attitude...then kick him to the curb. And if you do come in contact with him, tell him your waste your time on a fling...and then move on.