So in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2006
So in love
3
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:45am
I met my crush when I was 21, He was 18 still in high school. At the time I thought he was too young. So, we became really good friends. It's seven years later and we still have this chemistry that is unbelievable. I've never felt like this with anyone. And I think I blew it. I can remember the first time I first saw him what he had on what I had on and I remember asking a woman "Who is that?" It feels like I've known him for life times. I would see him somewhere, and we would just meet eyes for a second and it would feel like a lifetime. When I'm with him, it feels like I'm home. The problem is because of my "You're too young, let's just be friends" He's had a girlfriend now for the last six years and they now have a daughter. I too have been in a relationship, engaged, two children, but that relationship was abusive and I got out. Thank God. He has told me on many occasions he wishes we would have gotten together way back then. His girlfriend is an alcoholic and a coke addict. She is verbally and physically abusive towards him. At one time I told him we should both run away to a shelter together. He would never strike a woman. She knows this. It's a sad situation. Because he is a beautiful man and a wonderful father and would do anything for anyone. He still thinks maybe things will get better (they never do). I've been in his situation. It's not to often you see or hear men going through that abuse but it does exist. I called him after us losing base for 2 years. I heard he was single. But he wasn't. We ended up becoming more than friends, this is something we had many oppurtunties to do, but decided against because of our s/0. And if your saw this man you would see how hard it is to not want to climb on him. Any way that was almost six months ago. He said he couldn't leave his daughter, at first he would say I love her, she used to be this or that. But then later he said he couldn't leave his child. He was very upset crying. But I, never asked him to leave, nor have I ever ask him to call me or come over. Except from the intial phone call. Once I found out he was still were her, I told him call me when you're single. A week later, he was knocking on my door. I thought he was single. That went on for six months. I miss him so much. I think about him constantly. But being in a relationship like that and knowing him the way I do. I know he will want to do the right thing, for his daughter. I told him I thought I was doing the right thing by staying in my abusive relationship, it took my five year old daughter to tell me to leave him, that we would be happier without daddy. My AH-HA moment. Out of the mouths of babes, I know he will have to get sick of being sick, and tired of being tired, like I did. But being without him is painful. There are other guys I could date. I've never had a problem with that. There's just something about him, telling me to hold on. I promised this year I would follow my heart, and to him my heart is leading. Thanks for listening. I know it's very long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: simplensweet77
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:41am

Wow that's a lot of stuff going on. This guy needs to have his AH HA moment too, he needs to be sick of being sick... and I don't think he's there yet. He needs to get out of that situation and have his head on straight before he can ever fully be with you. And I think somewhere in the back of your mind you know that. You have an attachment to him because he's the only thing in your life right now...or the only man I should say. Right now he's staying in his comfort zone, and although he may say and do things to think that he might leave his ex and be with you...it's just not going to happen at this point. I think you have more of an attachment too because you hooked up with him, and that definately pushes the feelings up a bit.

Honestly at this point there is nothing that you can do or say that will make him leave his GF, and no matter how messed up it might be...he's the one that has to make the decision to get up and leave...just like you did with your situation. You can tell him that you need to move on with your life, and since you have already told him that to call you when he's single...well he blew that chance. Don't give him any chances to "change" because he's already shown you that he hasn't.

You should move on with your life, and find a man without any baggage and problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2006
In reply to: simplensweet77
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:26pm
Thank you for your reply. I think your right. He won't leave until he's ready and he may never be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2005
In reply to: simplensweet77
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 7:29pm
Normally I would say I'm against trying to break up a relationship. It really isn't up to you to decide if he's happy or not in his current relationship. HOWEVER, because we only live once, I also believe in taking chances and going for what and who you love in life. I would just tell him honestly that you've always been in love with him and if he feels the same way, you would want to have a relationship with him. Just be honest and if he wants the same, he will do something about it. If he doesn't, don't force it. Leave him alone.