TOO SOON?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
TOO SOON?
4
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:11pm
I have just gotten a divorce this past November.My Ex has cheated on me for years.and he still deals with this like nothing ever happened between us.I now want to go out,Is it too soon?I don't think I ever will however I'm 45 yrs old with two kids 19 & 17 who would want somebody like me? I don't even know how to go about finding anyone I don't hand out at bars.And I don't want someone who Is a Holy Roller either.There are groups like parents without partners,Thats not going to do It either cause In my area the men are all older,Like 65.And besides how do I know someone who divorced his wife and goes to these places are good period?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: terril2006
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:50pm

terril2006...

Pianoguy thinks NOW is the perfect time to reconsider dating....PROVIDING you don't start comparing or expecting the men you choose to go out with...to behave the way your husband did!

Granted...it's tougher to have teenagers and re-enter the dating game. But the prospects for finding a new "Mr. Right" AREN'T IMPOSSIBLE!

If you have a little free time...why not try taking an enrichment course, do a little volunteer work, or get involved in a local theatre group? Practically everybody knows at least one attractive, single male that is looking for a companion like yourself.

Try to make yourself a little more visible---and I'll bet you'll discover someone special?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: terril2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 9:29am

Hey you've gotten thru the first step by getting rid of the garbage. There are plenty of men your age that will like you for who you are. You don't need to get into "groups" like that...you just need to take some time for yourself. You've been used to being with someone for a very long time, that you are trying to get used to being by yourself without a spouse.

Go on dating sites like match.com or something like that. Post your profile up on there and see what you find, you can at least weed out the loosers, and talk to men who you can put a face and a name to. I did that for a while, after I broke up with an ex. You can at least feel like you are putting yourself out there. The world isn't come to an end for ya...it's just beginning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
In reply to: terril2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:53pm


First of all good for you for getting out of that marriage!!!
You deserve to be with a man who is faithful to you and your relationship.

You mentioned that you are 45 with 2 teenagers and who would want you?
Terri! Don't give up, there is love out there for everyone NO MATTER WHAT AGE YOU ARE.
A parent of a friend of mine got divorced from her cheater husband and at 55 she's found the perfect mate and she's blissfully happy.

I would suggest to you, that you do things to get yourself out there and meet ppl.
Here are some things that I have come up with.

1. Speed dating
(Look to see if there is events like this in your town, very easy to meet men that way. Plus no games, you will know that they are single and looking.)

2. Singles parties
3.Community events/ Festivals
4. Church groups
5. Weddings
6.House parties/Friends ( you can always ask if friends know someone)
7. Car shows (This is where all the men go to)
8. Football games or any sporting event
9. Book clubs

Ok....this is all I have so far...but i'll think of more and post back. Just think of things that you like to do...art, sports, music, whatever and join a club / group/class.

This will expose you to ppl more and at the same time you will build your self esteem, your confidence.
Before you even start dating seriously,take care of yourself first, you are still a WOMAN. Pamper yourself, do things that you like to do. Learn new things and do whatever you have wanted to do but never had the time.
Remember that being single has it's advantages too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
In reply to: terril2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:59pm

Hey there,
A couple of thoughts here:
First of all if you feel you are ready to date, then you are. It isn't anyone else's business. I started dating before I got my divorce, but that was my situation.

Second, who wouldn't want you? Seriously, you need to start coming up with your good qualities and telling them to yourself every day. So you had a rat of an ex, you said you have two children and I personally think it is better that they are older. Everyone has a past, you can't change that fact. But I'm sure you raised two great kids, that is an accomplishment in and of itself. Not to mention there has to be more to you than that. So, start thinking of your good traits and go with that.

And finally, have you thought about internet dating? It is how my boyfriend and I met and we have been together for 5 years. We did Yahoo personals back when it was free, but if I had to date again I'd go with eharmony.com. I am going to get a subscription to E Harmony for my mom for Christmas (my dad walked out on her to shack up with a bimbo over a year ago). I think it is better because it finds people who are compatible with you on many levels, it takes some time to fill out the online stuff, but not more than like an hour. And that way you can find someone who is just right for you, someone who wants the same things that you want and enjoys doing the same things you do.

If that isn't something you are interested in (or can't afford because it does get pricey) then how about either craigslist to find activities (I would be leary of their personal ads) or meetup.com and just go out and do things that you enjoy. For example if you like hiking, find a hiking group, if you like reading, find a book club. The more people you know, the more chances you will have of meeting someone.

Good Luck! you deserve to be happy, so go out and make your own happiness!