confused, need a mans perspective!
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| Thu, 08-24-2006 - 1:48pm |
Right, I need to somehow keep this long story short as possible!
I got together with this man in April, he really is everything I wanted, and it didn't take particulaly long for my feelings to grow for him. He is busy, very busy because of his profession. We saw each other about once or twice a week, because of distance, but we spoke on MSN every night. Anyway, about eight weeks ago he told me he was 100% scared of commitment, I wasn't even sure at that point if he had any feelinigs for me and felt like I was a 'friend with benefits'. I suggested we took a month break, because I was looking for a serious relationship eventually, I wanted him to have a think about what he wanted. It turned out he didn't want serious and we broke up. I did post all this when it happend previously.
Anyway, we have spoken several times since, as we are trying not to loose our friendship. Last night on MSN he told me he has feelings for me, and that he misses me, he even confessed to hardly being able to type through his tears. Today he came around to see me, when he left we cuddled and he wouldn't let go, we stood by the door cuddeling for about 15 minuites!! But we still can't have a relationship, partly because of time, he feels this is unfair on both of us, and also because he still feels deep down he can't have a serious relationship.
I'm utterley confused by all this, I know if I feel this way about someone, I make time, reservations about serious relationships would dissapear! He told me that he wasn't 'in love' with me, that's fair enough after a few months, neither was I with him. But if we both have strong feelings for each other, why the hell can't we try??? The sad thing is that, we obviously can't be friends, because it will ultimatly stop both of us from moveing on.
Help I'm confused!!!!

fuchsia14...
This one is easy.....at least for Pianoguy!
YOUR AGENDA for getting together and becoming a permanent couple is MUCH GREATER THAN HIS!
Unfortunately, your 'month of space from each other' didn't increase his desire to be with you on a more permanent basis!
So this leaves you with the choice of "accepting his interest in you for friendship purposes only" or "dumping him entirely?"
There's no right or wrong answer. It all depends upon how important YOUR NEEDS ARE compared to HIS!
Pianoguy
Well, simply put, he's not you. He knows he has issues but rather than actually *doing* something about them, he's accepting the status quo, even though it means you can't have a relationship.
So, do what you need to in order to take care of yourself. It sounds like distancing yourself until you no longer have romantic feelings for him is what you need to do. You can let him know that if, in the meantime, he overcomes his fears and wants to try a relationship with you, he's welcome to contact you, but if not, you'll be in touch when you're ready to reconnect as friends.
Sheri
Thank you for your responses.
Actually Sheri, what you suggested is pretty much what I said to him in an email last night. I'm still waiting for a response, but I think it's going to be the nothing for now option.