new relationship - sex worries!
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new relationship - sex worries!
| Sat, 08-26-2006 - 3:23am |
hi all
well i just started dating a guy ive known for 3 years off and on, we officially "became a couple" last friday...and i plan on holding off on sex for awhile as i dont think sex is something to throw around...anyways, ive been out of an extremely abusive 2 years relationship for about 5 months and so im taking things slow...while i have built up my self confidence alot, i still think of some things my ex used to say that make me paranoid about doing anything sexual with this new guy...i know its going to be awhile off still, i think about it constantly...like my ex always told me i was "lame" in bed cuz i didnt wanna get all kinky or try a bunch of new things...or he would express enjoyment and praise me when i performed oral but then we'd have a fight and he'd say i was lame at it and that a real woman would know how to do it right....same with "tightness"(tmi??lol) when we were together hed say it was tight and felt good, could feel it, all that jazz(i havent had kids or that many sexual partners) but then once again we'd fight and he'd say it wasnt tight, that he couldnt feel anything, etc etc...i know this was probably his anger talking, and i definitely think hes an idiot...but i worry when the time comes to be intimate with this new guy i will take these issues into the bedroom and he will think its lame, or i wont be able to enjoy it because i'll be worried about what he is thinking...is this normal to most ppl in new relationships? ive usually just let stuff happen and never really thought about it til it happened but for some reason i want it to be great when it happens and im so worried ill screw it up, that i just might!
well i just started dating a guy ive known for 3 years off and on, we officially "became a couple" last friday...and i plan on holding off on sex for awhile as i dont think sex is something to throw around...anyways, ive been out of an extremely abusive 2 years relationship for about 5 months and so im taking things slow...while i have built up my self confidence alot, i still think of some things my ex used to say that make me paranoid about doing anything sexual with this new guy...i know its going to be awhile off still, i think about it constantly...like my ex always told me i was "lame" in bed cuz i didnt wanna get all kinky or try a bunch of new things...or he would express enjoyment and praise me when i performed oral but then we'd have a fight and he'd say i was lame at it and that a real woman would know how to do it right....same with "tightness"(tmi??lol) when we were together hed say it was tight and felt good, could feel it, all that jazz(i havent had kids or that many sexual partners) but then once again we'd fight and he'd say it wasnt tight, that he couldnt feel anything, etc etc...i know this was probably his anger talking, and i definitely think hes an idiot...but i worry when the time comes to be intimate with this new guy i will take these issues into the bedroom and he will think its lame, or i wont be able to enjoy it because i'll be worried about what he is thinking...is this normal to most ppl in new relationships? ive usually just let stuff happen and never really thought about it til it happened but for some reason i want it to be great when it happens and im so worried ill screw it up, that i just might!

thanks for the input...i am in counselling and have been since the relationship ended..my counsellor keeps saying that im prjecting my issues with my ex onto my new relationship, but its hard not to when you've been with someone for over 2 years and u almost become used to how it is with them....
It's indeed hard to manage and not to project it into your new relationship. I was abused as a child and for the longest time I got involved in bad relationships. I allowed many things to happen. My last relationship was better though. I went in with a new view on the situation. I had worked on my self esteem as you did and on the fact that my ex had been manipulative and used stuff to have me down. My new BF was different and accepted me as I was. It was good for the time it lasted. I truly enjoyed my sexuality and we both were compatible.
Don't allow the past to rule your present and ruin your future.