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| Sat, 07-26-2003 - 10:13pm |
By my name I am a 38 year old woman, single, never married and no kids. I'm a working professional woman going to graduate school AND i recently started an affair with a man 5 years my junior. From the beginning he flat out told me his living situation. He was involved in a 3 year live in situation and was "reasonably happy" with his arrangement. He admitted to being attracted to me, because I flat out asked him what his interest was in me.
So needless to say things got hot heavy pretty quickly. He wanted something discreet, FWB (friends with benefits). I guess what I thought I could handle it but I'm having difficulty with it now. We've only had sex twice and the second time was amazing. I'm sure he was blown away too. I just have a problem with being the "other woman" but I knew that going into it. He seems and claims to be pretty serious about his relationship with the gf but he keeps coming back me. And yes, I realize its for the sex and whatever else his relationship is missing.
He starts asking a lot of questions if I bring up the possibility of dating other guys. I told him I WILL NOT wait for him. I adore him to pieces but I will not wait for him to make up his mind. He wants to know if the sex can continue even if I have an SO.
I don't know why but something tells me to end this. While the sex is incredible (he is Latino!)I know that because he has cheated on his current gf with me, if he leaves her for me then he can always do the same to me as well. We've had arguments about him marrying her in what appears to be desperation, and I flat out told him that IMHO marriage isn't going to save him or keep him faithful. He wasn't pleased with that.
So I am between a rock and a hardplace. WHile I know I will meet someone, I'm wondering if I should just enjoy him while I can because I really DON'T want a relationship with someone like him? He's always telling me I deserve better and well, maybe I do.
Am I making any sense of do I dump him?

I'm going to jump in here and be rather blunt with you. My guess is that most folks aren't gonna respond because you're a single woman involved with a man who, according to your post, is really a single man who is pretty much living with a GF of sorts.
If no one else replies, it is my speculation that your situation just doesn't sound as if your life is in turmoil. You said you don't want a R with "someone like him." You said it, so do it. Your post might not generate many replies. Make sense?
Looks like you got the two guys on this board posting back to you.
Lets take your post apart.
You say the man is 5 years your junior. Sounds like he is still in the
right age bracket to me.
You asked him what his interest was and he said he was attracted to you.
Well, most men would say that. If he said he had no interest, it is not
likely you would have slept with him. Men can be slow, but we aren't
totally stupid.
The amazing sex will probably only get better. Once you learn the other
person's body, what really lights their fire, pushing the buttons is not
that hard. It requires patience and concentration, but is very rewarding.
I think it is pretty brazen to ask you up front to continue the sex even
if you find another person. It kind of tells me what his main agenda is.
I don't know that being latino has any bearing on this matter. Although
they have that reputation, there are plenty of stereotypes that just don't
hold up.I am sure there is at least one man of each nationality that could
do even better than your latino.
You have stumbled on the central problem of an affair. If he cheated on
his GF with you, will he cheat on you. While you never know, from what I
see of his attitude, I would say there is a high probability he would.
Could you live with this?
You might want to see if you could take him away from his GF with the sex.
It seems you might be much better at it than she is. You might keep him,
or dump him then. This is pretty manipulative. Do you have the stomach for
it?
You should look hard at the risks of continuing. Pregnancy, disease, emotional
pain, etc. Look too at what you get: Amazing sex. The odd thing about sex
is that usually, the more you get, the more you want. The slope could
get pretty slippery from here out.Plan ahead.
So should you dump him. I think if I were in your shoes, I would. I think I
would do it now. I think you probably do deserve better. But I am not you,
this is your decision. Let us know what you choose.