Help!!!! Im so confused....

Avatar for megan1012
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Help!!!! Im so confused....
5
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 1:45pm
Ok lets just start off by saying I had a wonderful night with MM. but now im really confused. he told him w fri that we wanted to seperate and she said fine well he is supposely going to be moving to his parents house but he has asked if im going to leave h. I want to but then again what about my kds...I dont wanna hurt them. Im ready to end this M because of the way he treats me just like this morning I walked in no hello no nothing didnt even acknoldge me. I told him my son I was going to a friends house last night so he could go swimming with her son so I took my son with me and he had his son also. nothin happened physically between us until the kids were in bed. So now I dont know what to do I have a feeling if he leaves his w and i stay with h MM is not going to go for that. I dont wanna lose him because he makes me so happy and i enjoy being with him and yes we have fallen in love with each other. He even went and got a cell phone on the same network I have so we could talk for free ect.. without his w knowing about his cuz the cell phone he has his wife reads the bills. I feel I have a big part in him leaving his W and I asked him and he no a little though hes said we was tired of being embaressed ect. by her so know I feel bad cuz I really just cant walk out and leave yet cuz I have no where to go and Im not working right now so where am I going with 2 kids??? Any advice Ladies and men??? Thanks

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 2:45pm
Megan,

You need to slow down, my dear. From your old post, I gather that you have only been in this EMA for a short time--a little more than a month? "in love" -- maybe, but how well do you really know MM?

I doubt you have as much to do with his decision to separate as you think. He is making a life-changing decision, and I'm sure it came from within, not from without...and remember, this EMA hasn't been going on forever. If he really leaves his wife, it will have more to do with his unhappiness with his M, not his new found happiness with you.

And my, his W handled it well? Well, that seems a little farfetched to me, but I don't your/their situation...

As far as you leaving your H for MM? Well, I don't think that is the right question for you right now (and really, I don't think anyone should drop one to turn around and pick up another--but that is just me). You need to look at yourself, your M, your family, and ultimately figure out what it is that will be the best path for your future. Don't expect to get answers quickly...maybe talking to a counselor would help?

Leave MM out of those thoughts for now. If he really loves you, he will respect your need to take time to make any decisions.

Hope this isn't too harsh,

Alameda



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 4:50pm
Megan,

Take a deep breath and think about this slowly

and rationally. Start with your basic needs, food

shelter and clothing. How are you going to insure

a continuing supply of these? If you must, there

are shelters and such, but don't make any moves

that would jepoardize your most basic needs. We

will get to happiness and self-actualization later.

It doesn't sound to me like you are under any real

pressure to make a move right now, so you have the

luxury of time to consider your actions.

Decide what you want to have happen, maybe writing

it down might even help. When you know what you

want, figure out how to make it happen. It might

be difficult, it might take awhile, but if you

know what you want and continue to take small steps

toward your goal, you will get there. Don't make

any backward or lateral moves, only steps toward

your goal.

I would decide about your M first. Your MM will still

be there, and if he isn't, you wouldn't have wanted

him anyway. If you continue to mix MM in with your

M, you will become an emotional wreck. Put him on

hold for now and simplify your life. You will have

more than enough to occupy your thoughts for awhile.

Good luck, and stay in touch.


Avatar for megan1012
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 12:07am
Alameda- Yes we have been together a little over a month I know its a short time.

He told me I had a little to do with him leaving I showed him there are people out there that can love him and treat him so much better than his wife does.She begged and pleaded for him to stay but he said no..so we will see what happens..I have a feelin he will be back there.

umm im so confused i just dont know what tot hink because my married life is like a living hell right now..

Thanks so much

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:32am
Megan,

I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time at home. And maybe the happiness you are experiencing with MM is making your home life tolerable, I don't know.

But first things first, sweetie. Figure out what you want out of your M, what your options are, and how you could achieve them. But don't factor MM into these decisions. Are you considering D? Or do you want to work on your M? Or would it help just to get out of the house for a time?

Good luck with whatever you decide and keep us posted,

Alameda



Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 12:31pm
Wow, "SOMEBODY" on this thread has some real issues AND it's not any of US.......???