Just trying to make it through my NC day

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Just trying to make it through my NC day
3
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 4:25pm
Lots of rambling thoughts on this post; I'm lonely for OM. Thanks for bearing with me.

This is the hardest day of the week for me. We always get to see each other over the weekend at work. And we usually have a decent chunk of time alone together - often an hour or more, though we didn't have quite that much time either day this weekend. But there's no email over the weekend, because his g/f is sensing that his emotional attachment has changed quite a bit, so she hovers over him if he gets on the computer (we work nights with wierd nights off, she works standard M-F 5-9 days, so she's only around on weekends). I don't know if she thinks we're doing a cybersex thing or if she realizes he's talking to a real, live, flesh and blood woman who he's involved with. Either way, though, we no longer maintain cyberconnection over the weekend. And he's off the next two days, but we will have lots of emailing going on. We'll be together Wednesday, where we'll see each other a little bit, but not much. Then I'm off for two days, although, again, there will be lots of emails - chatty ones, sexy ones, lovey-dovey ones. And then we'll have next weekend, which, as I said, is the time we see each other most. This can be such a drag sometimes, living by the schedules of 8 people, lol (me, OM, his g/f, my H, and my 4 kids!).

H has several job prospects, finally, so hopefully one of them will come through soon. And the kids start school, in a couple of weeks, so that leaves me free all day, pretty much. I'm wondering how that will change the dynamics in my A. I've always homeschooled my kids, but we're putting them in school this year, because with my job, I can't do the teaching and H has really screwed up their education this past year. But anyway, that all was to say that I never had the day free...there have always been kids around, so I've not been able to go off and meet OM after work.

I'm planning on leaving H once he's working at a decent-paying job, but I will still have to wait until a few paychecks come in and I know the house is safe from foreclosure before I go. I'm kind of hoping to be out of the house sometime in September or early October - after the kids have had a few weeks to get used to school - and stay with some friends and maybe have my own place by Halloween.

These past few days have been intense for me and OM. We've had some serious conversations about expectations, our feelings for each other, associated emotions like jealousy, etc. It has ended well....we know what we expect out of each other, we know where the reality of an EMA falls short of those expectations, we realize that we're both far more attached to each other and this relationship than we had previously thought, so that's a good thing. I'm dealing with a little bit of jealousy, pretty much for the first time ever in my life. He's okay with it, because it's not like I'm a bitch or anything, and he's so very good at making me feel cherished that the feeling doesn't last long. But I hate that I feel it anyway. Just a heavy duty couple of days....real relationship stuff, I guess, lol. Which, again, is a good thing, because that's what I want to have with him, but it's hard work and I'm working hard at maintaining a civil relationship with H for the sake of the kids.

Just kind of a bummer day and I miss him. Guess I ought to get off my computer (I mean, I *KNOW* there won't be any email, but I check anyway!!) and do something meaningful with my day, huh? That's what I have to remember to do...spend time away from OM doing good and productive things for me and the kids.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 8:17pm
Lucky,

Despite your need for contact, you seem to me to be handling

it all quite well.

I hope it gets better for you really soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 8:29pm
HI Lucky,

I'm in the same boat!! missing my MM, haven't seen him since Thursday, and I won't see him for atleast another week, he's on vacation! =( But he said he'll call tomorrow, so we'll see.

I need to do something productive too! Take my kids out or something, I just called MM's cell, and usually it's off when his W is around but he answered so I asked for some other man, and he said, no theres no Joe here, and I said, I love you so much Bye, really quick!! He has left me a message this morning and told me to just try his cell and if he answers she probably won't be around but I guess she was, he said, just ask for someone else and I'll know its you. LOL

anyway, try not to worry, today will be over soon enough, and next time you're in his arms you'll wonder why you worried soo much.! ya know.!

hugs =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 1:47pm
Thanks, desert, I really needed to hear I was handling it well. Didn't know I needed to hear it until I read your post, but it really picked me up. Thanks!