I often ask myself what I am doing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
I often ask myself what I am doing....
3
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 7:21pm
Many changes in my life are occuring. Currently getting out of the military (have been in for 5 years.) I am not sure what I am going to do w/my life from here. Things never turn out as planned. I want to make myself and my life better. I love it here where I live and I dont want to leave. My MM is here, and he is just now going through a separation. I told him that I am possibly thinking about leaving and living somewhere else and he freaked out. This last week we have been together sooo much. I love it. It is going to take some time, financially for him to be totally separated from her. (He has a kid w/her too). Recently this week I have often stopped in my tracks, even after an AWESOME evening w/my MM and asked myself what I am doing. What am I getting myself into. I think that I may just be overwhelmed w/all of lifes changes, you know adjusting to life and trying to figure out where I stand and what I want out of life, that is making me think twice about us. How do I get past that, and all these changes in my life that are very much stressing me out right now???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 8:30pm
Dear Green,

Ah yes, I remember getting out of the military myself,

and I was in for 6. I think you will find the sense of

freedom wonderful. I remember it as a VERY big change.

Fasten your seatbelt!

Sounds to me like you might be be doing some serious

re-evaluation and goal setting in the very near future.

Good for you!

I happened across this little poem from Dickinson. I

thought the board might like it.

To wait an hour - is long

If love be just beyond -

To wait eternity - is short -

If love reward the end.

- Emily Dickinson

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 8:42pm
Desert,

Thanks, I really liked that poem. It was nice and insightful. I have to admit that coming into the military I was scared, and leaving the military I am even more scared. I dont know what is in store for me in the outside, and although I am VERY MUCH looking forward to the freedom, I am nervous, and not sure what my future holds. Which brings me to second guessing my life and where I stand w/myself and the people in my life. I love them all dearly but I have lived my life under someone else's rules for the last 5 years, now I am kinda feeling like it is time to finally start living my life the way that I want to. Which always seems to bring me back to those questions: What am I doing and where do I go from here. When I first came in I was really young and cluess, I am still young, but very mature and ready to take life by the horns. Wish me luck and thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 10:50pm
Green,

I viewed getting out as a classic tradeoff of

security and freedom. The military is very, very

secure. Someone always knows exactly what you

should be doing at every moment.

The freedom is a little more scary. No one to

tell you the correct way out, the responsibility

is all yours, whether you are right or wrong.

Some career military I think couldn't handle taking

responsibility for their own lives. Just my opinion.

I chose freedom, and have always been glad I did.

I have taken some hard knocks, made my share of

mistakes, but always enjoyed being the captain of

my ship, rather than a passenger on it.

You will do just fine, I have no doubt. I will wish

you luck, but I don't think you will need it.

PS. I love a pretty pair of green eyes, you must be

so lucky!