tears
Find a Conversation
tears
| Tue, 07-29-2003 - 12:10am |
So here I am, in town to see my MM after 4, almost 5 months apart. Tonite, we met in a nice bar, chatted for awhile, ajourned upstairs, and started kissing. I thought all was going well, but then he had to call his wife smack in the middle of everything (so she wouldn't suspect). The guilt hit him and he got up and left. He was apologetic but just couldn't get his mind back on me.
I flew 3000 miles, lost 10 lbs and spent a wad of cash on a nice hotel and I got him for maybe a total of 45 minutes. I 'm ending this tomorrow. If he can't break out for just one night every 4 months to see me he doesn't really want me in the first place.
:-(
I flew 3000 miles, lost 10 lbs and spent a wad of cash on a nice hotel and I got him for maybe a total of 45 minutes. I 'm ending this tomorrow. If he can't break out for just one night every 4 months to see me he doesn't really want me in the first place.
:-(

His W shouldn't be so suspicious, if you 2 don't get to see each other very often. Why would she suspect something?
If you're not getting what you want out of this EMA then yes you should call it off, just make sure you are strong when you tell him and that you don't turn back even for a minute, not one IM, no messages, no phone calls, no emails.
We'll be here for you when you need us... keep busy, and let MM know exactly how you feel!
hugs xoxoxo
Anyway, I was really understanding when he was here, and he was really nice about everything, reassuring me that it wasn't me at all. But the more I think about it, the cheaper I feel. And the more I want to cry. Because of all I am risking for this EMA. It just doesn't seem worth it now.
(To answer adara's question, we've been doing this since Dec.)
sadness....
Please know that MMs reaction had NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with his own conflicted feelings of desire and guilt. You look gorgeous, he knows it, and it scares him to death.
You may be right in ending the EMA because he does not sound like someone who is able to give you what you need, anyway. But when you do, remember you're ending it because he will not be able to satisfy YOU or make this worth YOUR while... not because he fled. His flight was just a sign that perhaps he is not cut out for this kind of relationship.
take care of yourself. Enjoy yourself and your time away, despite MM!
-lily
UGH! I am soooo sorry to hear that this happened to you -- it sounds lke it was just dreadful! Especially after all of the anticipation you had undoubtedly experienced.
I agree with the others -- it's definitely HIM, not you; though that may not be sufficient comfort at this point. Let him know how you feel, but be prepared to deal with the fact that he may not be up for this type of relationship.
I don't think men necessairly have it easier
controlling their emotions. I don't. I have
seen several posts from guys just crushed by a
love that didn't work out. I think it cuts both
ways.
I don't think this guy is up for an A with you.
M for less than a year is pretty soon to expect
fooling around. I agree with the others that the
problem is all in his head, and I understand why.
Let this one go. Be happy he found you as
attractive as he did (and you know he did find you
attractive). His actions had absolutely nothing
to do with you, just the battle raging inside his
head. Move on, life awaits. Just my opinion.
First of all, thanks so much for all your replies and support. It's amazing how well we can all relate to each other's situations and feelings here.
So the next day, MM called me at 7 in the morning. I was professional and distant, and honestly not ready to talk about things, and told him as much. We each went about our day, then he called to see if I could get away for lunch. He took me to a really nice restaurant, and we chit-chatted a bit, but then he looked me in the eye and wanted to make sure I knew that the previous evening had been NO reflection on me whatsoever. His wife was feeding dinner to his sick father when he called, and the guilt was too much for him. I made it clear to him how crappy he had made me feel and also gave him the "out" if he wanted it. I told him I wasn't sure if he was ready for an all-out A. We ended it with an agreement that we'd take things slow and he'd make sure to carve out time for me when we were together in the same city. The rest of the week, he was really, really nice to me...took me to lunch and breakfast almost every day...said amazingly nice and romantic things that got my heart racing... though we never were given the opportunity to be physical again. Actually, we probably could have, but I was waiting for him to make the first move, and I think he was still too tentative.
So now I'm just feeling like we'll see how it goes. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. And I think I'll be ok either way.
Hugs to all,
Ice
I didn't really get into this with the intent of having an affair. My MM is someone I have been friends with for a long time and have come to care for. I have a happy M however and would not seek an A with someone else. I was sad last week because there was a lot of buildup to our meeting and his freakout disappointed me. However, it did not surprise me....if he's not ready to continue a physical relationship I'm not going to just drop him and look for someone else. I'll just focus on my M instead and continue to be FWOB with MM.
So we shall see how things progress...
ROI