Love at first sight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Love at first sight?
5
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 8:27am
Does anyone believe in "love at first sight"?

Has anyone ever met someone that they just couldn't stop looking at because they felt like there was something there? You don't even know this person but you can't stop looking at them. Then say you do get to talking to them. And before you know it you find yourself just so connected,. Maybe you have no idea if they feel the same, but can all that electricity be from you? You feel serious pain when they aren't around you. You look for them, you even go so far as to do stupid things that scare you because they are so not you, or out of the ordinary. Please any thoughts are appreciated...

Avatar for imopus
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 9:21am
i'm not one that has ever experienced "love at first site"... i have felt instant attraction to guys the kind where you can't stop watching them because they are so hansome/attractive/sexy and usually when i get a chance to talk to them i realize it is mainly a physical attraction not that connection... for me love takes time to grow and develop... for me it is based off friendship, connections of common interests and a deeper feeling that develops over time... in fact for me i have usually found that i become attracted to men who first share common interests etc. and once a friendship develops the physical attraction becomes more intense...

but i'm sure that there are others who have different ways of viewing love and lust...

opus

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 9:25am
This is my first time posting, I've been lurking for a few weeks, new to all this. But omg this post just hit home, really hard. Girl I know what you mean! So far no ic but it is like the highest highs and then the lowest lows. I don't know if I'll go through with it, but we both are completely floored by the electricty. My stomach flips everytime I see him and my heart beats really fast, I feel light headed and dizzy and sick to my stomach, and my whole body tingles. So far we've agreed not to stand to close to eachother but all it takes is for one of us to look into the others eyes and bam we both have the biggest smiles on our faces and we could just sit there for hours looking into eachothers eyes, no words even have to be spoken. The connection and the attraction are so strong it scares us both. We are both M with Kids and in love with our spouses which makes it even worse. Neither one of us could ever imagine leaving our spouses but still at the same moment can't imagine not talking/seeing eachother. I'm hoping that we will be able to walk away from the temptation and be friends, that's what we're trying to do right now...I've alway been against EMA's and have thought bad about cheating spouses but like the saying goes you can't judge someone until you've walked in there shoes. EMA's as I'm finding out are so much deeper and complex then I ever thought possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 10:31am
Yep. And I married him. We had the true story book love affair. Our marriage has been the envy of everyone who gets to know us and see us in action. For the first 15 years we had together (3 before M, and 12 of M), it was great and I was really happy. But we've grown apart and it happens to the storybook romances sometimes, just like it happens to any other romance sometimes. Now, I'm just counting the days, trying to stay nice, until I can get out of here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 4:18pm
This man has affected me drastically. When I first saw him I just couldn't stop watching him. I found myself staring often and he is not gorgeous, actually he is mildly attractive. The first time I had the chance to talk to him, I thought he was a jerk, but I still couldn't stop watching him. I got another opportunity to talk to him and this time we carried a very good conversation. We work together and I look for him everytime I go to work. My heart beats fast and I get short of breath. If I don't see him I am lost and lonely. He now makes a point to say hi to me if it is a wave from a distance or him walking up and touching my shoulder my back or arm. I see him watch me sometimes and my face tingles while I blush because I feel like he can see right through me. His eyes aren't anything spectacular, but it feels like they look right into me and see everything. I think that he has an attraction to me but I can't tell for sure, I know though that I don't want to lose contact with him. He hasn't been at work for 3 days and I am beside myself. My heart sinks everytime he isn't there. He gave me his number because I got up the courage to invite him to the movies. I have tried calling since he hasn't been at work but there is no answer. I am so drawn to him that it is just scary. I have no idea why I am so connected to him. I don't know if it is love, but I know it is something strong.

I have a question. When he comes back to work, would it be stupid for me to ask him if he is attracted to me? I feel like I need to know, one to find out if I am wasting my time, and two so that I can move forward a little more confident. I just wish he would come back to work. I feel so sick at work without him there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 5:53pm
I_sioned,

Forgive me if I preach at too basic a level here.

You sound very young and very gone on this man. You

got it bad, and that ain't good. We have to get you

to find out more about this man. You really don't

seem to know much beyond chemistry about him at all.

Let me ask first, Is this man married? If not, aren't

you getting a bit ahead of yourself, posting on an

board for people in affairs? Have you considered

an old fashioned romance?

How old is he? How old are you? Is romance a good fit

here? Chemistry aside, would he be a good match for you?

How much do you know about him? What car does he drive?

What is the license #? What department or company does

he work in? What is his position? What is his cell phone

#, his business #? Could you call him? When? Where does

he live?

Since you have his home phone from the movie gambit, (nice

move) it is relatively safe to assume there is no live in

girlfriend. I have always found that people I am attracted

to invariably have other connections. You may have to time

this right and take him away. That is a different story.

How long has he been in the area? Does he have a girlfriend?

How long? What is her name? This is not necessairly bad, at

least you know he isn't gay! Be subtle here, this is tender

territory. You may just want to ask around the general topic

area and see if he openly divulges anything.

Have a talk with him, look deeply into his eyes. You will see

if he has any interest for you. If you come up empty, perhaps

you can start some.

If necessary, fake a car repair and ask Mr. Gallant to take you

to lunch so you won't starve. Lunch is about the right length

of time, is pretty non-committal, and you will talk. See what

his interests are. What is his favorite: Vacation, city, music,

group, movie, meal, drink, etc. You get the picture. Where did

he grow up? What is his most vivid memory from childhood. What

was his most embarrasing moment? (Don't go for erotic moment

yet, you'll get there). What are his hobbies? How does he like

to spend his time off? What is it that makes him special? Write

it down if you must, but remember it all. What is his birthday?

Sign? (Yeah, I know it is cheesy, but it can be fun).

See if you like him as a person. Is he kind? Does he open doors

for you? Is his language proper? Does he swear? Is he considerate

of the people he interacts with? Is his hygene good? How are his

nails? His shoes? His clothes? Is he a gentleman? Is there

anything that would make you re-consider being alone with him?

Is he introverted or extroverted? Analytical or emotional?

Do any red flags come up? If he smokes or drinks, do you care?

How is his driving? What is his attitude toward life?

You are actually doing an interview here, and he will be too. The

trick it to keep it light, a friendly conversation as two people

get to know each other. It helps to do this with a sense of humor.

Don't be too eager. You must be worth his time, don't throw youself

on him. If you are too easy, he will not think you worth the effort,

or worse, will take advantage of you and dump you. If you are too

un-attainable, he will not think he can win you. Both men and women

enjoy the chase. For some, that is all there is.

Pick up a few books on flirting, learn how to get and hold the man's

attention. Do a web search on "Flirt". Learn to time the romance.

If you need to force the rapport, investigate NLP on the web. It is a

technique for establishing a more rapid level of connection with people

you meet through the use of mirroring body gestures and postures. It

may work for you, it probably won't hurt, unless you do it poorly.

Finally, you are way too gone on this man. For the maximum probability

of success, pull yourself together. Quit looking to him for all your

personal validation. You hardly know him and are sick when he is gone

3 days from work. If you truly want to win him, be a complete person

first. They are so much more interesting.

You ask if you should just come out and ask if he likes you. It certainly

is the direct approach, but I don't think you want that just now. He

may not even know. Dance around a little bit as you find out the

answers to the above. He may find that, yes, he does like you, maybe a

lot. Let him show that to you in his own good time. Men always enjoy the

chase, especially if you let him win.

You are in charge, have fun.