im a cheater!!! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
im a cheater!!! :(
3
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 9:58am
oh dear i have done it now.im so confused and i have no one that i can talk to because all my friends know my boyfriend. i need to tell someone. Ok here goes. im 21 now, about 5 years ago i met this guy named bobby i liked him an awful lot but i was young and it was only one of those stupid crushes. We ended up going back to his room and kissing for a while and then i had to leave because my ride came. The next day he was going out with this other girl and i didnt speak to him again because i was so hurt. (i was a huge loser back then) .....So now 5 years later i am much thinner and sexier BUT i also have a boyfriend of 4 years that i have lived with for almost 3 who i love sooooo much. My boyfiend is someone that i could be with forever. So about 2 months ago my boyfirends friends start hanging out with bobby and in turn we start hanging out with bob. So he apologized to me and after i got over how much i hated him for what he had done we started to become friends. Over the last month i had been flirting with him more and more, it got to the point where i was thinking about him all the time. I dont want a relationship with him just sex. So one night about a week ago we were all over at his house drinking and watching movies, i had asked him if he could show me where the bathroom was and we ended up kissing in the dark with my bf in the other room. After that he seemed to pull away and avoid me a little which made me feel rejected, soo stupid me decides to see if he is actually interested by asking him if he would turn down oral. He said no and i implied that i just may stop over the next day at 7:00 and he should be there alone. Well i left my house to go to "school" like i do every monday at 7 and i went to his house. We kissed and i gave him oral and we ended up having about 5 mins of sex, he didnt get off, we stopped before that and he asked me if i could go because he would end up having sex with me and that would be bad but he really wanted to. so i went and he said we could never do this again and i said i dont know if i could do never and he said well maybe again. THat isnt the worst part... my boyfriend has a medical problem where he tries to have sex with me in his sleep i dont remember what its called but anyway i woke up to him having sex with me the same night i had sex with bob. I am such a sleaze. Not to mention the only way that i could O was to think of bobby while doing it. What is wrong with me!!!!!!! am i a horrible person? i have never cheated before and would never cheat with anyone else he is the first person in 4 years other than my bf that i have been sexually attracted to. HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 10:24am
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 11:01am
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Avatar for imopus
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 12:13pm
hi redfishrae,

your young and confused and right you should be... so let me try to get this straight... this boy was someone you met in high school when you were 16 and he reject you like teenage boys do... (they can be so lame LOL!) and now you are with your bf of 4 years... honey your young... you have time to live... it sounds as if you may have not had many chances to date other guys etc. i think you need to take some time to think about what you are looking for from OM that you don't feel you get from bf... i remember i was about 20 when i decide the bf who i was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with wasn't really the one for me... and the only way for me to make a true break was by dating another guy behind his back... i had some self esteem problems (thought i needed a guy to feel good about myself etc.)

try not to be so hard on yourself... but realize that this can mean that something is missing from your relationship/life... and work to realize what it is

hugs,

opus