A real possibility of his divorce??
Find a Conversation
A real possibility of his divorce??
| Tue, 07-29-2003 - 11:24am |
Hi everybody!!
I have never been married, but the man I am seeing is.
I told him that I needed him to take the next step -divorce- because I was no longer content with our actual situation.
But he finds this task way to difficult. I understand this because he has been married for 25 years.
I would like to ask you if you think there is a real chance to get out of such long marriage. Mysecretsout is in a similar case and she thinks that there are so little chances of it.
Do you think there is A REAL chance?? Have you ever known A REAL case?
Do you think there is a chance that he could be saying this in order to keep both options?
I am deeply confused!!!!!!
Thanx a lot

Pages
opus
So no, I don't think it's real likely. Wish I could be more positive for you.
Lucky
Can he get out of his M? Of course he can. If he wants to.
WILL he get out of his M? Only if he wants to.
Have I known people who have D after a lengthy M? Yes. One couple I am close to got a D after 35 years! So it happens, if one or both parties want it to. Motivation is key here. Your MM sounds scared and not all that motivated. Because the fear of the unknown is scarier than the fear of the known... his life at home may not be all that great, but after 25yrs he has THAT routine down pat. You are an unknown, and as you've previously posted, the ramifications go beyond your R and into your work and community. That probably weighs pretty heavily on him.
Good luck to you. You've drawn your line. Think about what you plan to do if he won't cross it.
take care,
-lily
Good Luck, my heart is with you
always waiting, such patience I have
Ladyinwaiting40
I don't look at myself as 2nd best. I mean yeah she gets to sleep next to him and do a lot that I don't get to do with my MM, but I've seen him with her, and he tells me when they're not getting along, and I just don't think my MM can act that well, to be passionate with me, and give me all his free time. Theres just so much that he does to me and for me that I just can't even believe he's this way with her, there m is so routine, and almost like a business deal that theres no intamacy and no love... Of course I only see his side, and what he tells me, and I've even told him when he's the one who's wrong during their disagreements. Of course we've been in this EMA for 18 months and we've worked through a lot, but I gave him "the ultimatum" a few weeks ago, and he didn't take it very well, Now we've recompromised our R and so far so good, neither one of us is expecting anything other then what we have and we're appreciating this for what it is. I want to be the positive in his life, and I want to be the center of his romantic life, and if things fall into place and we both leave our M (not for each other but for ourself) then we'll be together. I'll tell you one thing, I'll never give him an ultimatum again, I don't want him to leave because I forced him, then he'll regret it and resent me. He'll leave when and if he's ready, and if I'm still around, we'll be together. My life is my own, and I chose what I deal with and how... even if it hurts.
And plus to look at this like I"m 2nd best would totally make me feel used, and unwanted.
My MM has been m for 23 years, has 2 young boys and says his only hang up is his boys. I believe him, He's had a few A's on his W and hasn't been happy for 6 years with her. He doesn't have the B*lls to leave (LOL) but I know things won't get better with his W, atleast not as long as he has me to compare her with, cuz I'll never be like her.
My mom and dad we're married for 20 years and got d. It happens, it can happen, think positively.
hugs
Hope
First of all I wanna thank you people for your support: imopus, luckyme814,lilys_lyric, ladyinwaiting40, lexylew and hope4meyet
Yesterday I put an end to this. I am waiting for his reaction…
I have mix feelings, but I think this is the best for both
Thanx again…
PS I still do not complete realise of what has happened…
Hi Hanna,
If I remember from your earlier post, you are young and are already doing a postdoc. I assume you are a very intelligent woman and have worked hard to get where you are so quickly. Congrats! But have you branched out of academic life at all? Personally, I get very tired of the academic life--it's good too get out, go to bars, dancing, hiking, etc. For some reason, I have trouble picturing MM enjoying those kinds of activities with you. Do you socialize with ppl your age, who are at the same point that you are at?
Remember, you and MM are not at the same point in life. He is 50, you are what -- late 20s/early 30s? You may want a family one day, you may not. You may want to get married one day, he may not want to remarry...and, yes, you may meet someone else...but you won't if you don't try...
I know you love MM, but if you are not comfortable/happy being the OW, then you should walk away. Chances are, he will not leave his W just so he can date you openly...
IF and when he does D, then you maybe you could make a future together, but do you really want to wait that one out?
Not trying to be harsh here, but IMHO, you aren't going to be happy until you know for certain that you have MM 100% or not at all. You've told him what you need, and he has told you he can't meet those needs. As hard as it may be, I suggest you get out and enjoy yourself...
Good luck, sweetie!
Alameda
Edited 7/31/2003 6:24:53 PM ET by alameda78
It's so cool that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel... I'm glad for you! Since MM cancelled on me today, I'm irritated but your post is just what I needed to read right now.. I need to hang back and let him come to me... it's hard but I know he will.. He always does.
hugsssssss
thanks again
Pages