I don't know if this is the place but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I don't know if this is the place but...
1
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 4:32pm
I am looking for some insight.

I have not embarked on an EMA but here's the story.......

Beofre I was married I met a man who I clicked immediately with and we became friends, good friends, but my family didn't like him they liked my BF, so being young I followed ther wishes and went onto marry my BF who is still my H., This all happened about 12 years ago. Anyway, my H and I had a rocky marriage but I never wanted to give it up so I stayed. The OM moved 1000 miles away and we lost contact. I thought about from time to time but never attempted to make contact until recently. When my H and I were falling apart , I made contact after month of searching for him and it felt great, just like I remembered it. He still lives 1000 miles away.

here's my dilemma. my H and I have reconciled but I am still deeply hurt and not entirely trustful of him, so I have not let my guard completely down. I did stop all contact with the OM about 4 months ago but I cannot forget him.

Please keep in mind that we live 1000 miles apart anfd there is no way that we could see each other, so anything physical is sort of impossible. But the emotional attachement is still there. Now I could embark on the email, cell phone roller coaster again and remain "friends" but where would that road lead?? I just don't know if I have the guts to leave my marriage. Has anyone been here before? I feel like this is totally weird, a long-distanve EMA??

Thanks for your thoughts.

Me


Edited 7/29/2003 4:46:35 PM ET by justbeingme2003

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 4:48pm
Hi Me,

You sound like you have unmet needs in your M, and possibly just for yourself as well -- I mean, separate from your M, you sound like you're not completely happy anyway. I would take OM and your H out of the equation right now and just focus on YOU.

You may be trying to reconcile with H, but there are issues there to work through. If you aren't in counseling, both for your M and for yourself, then I would start. Because I think until you can identify what's bumming you out, specifically, you will not know the next steps to take to improve the situation.

If you do know what needs to happen in your life, and what you need to do for yourself to make you happy (because only YOU can control your happiness), then do it. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or wants, but do what is in YOUR best interests. Once you know what plan makes sense for you, you will be able to see how you would like H, or OM, or both, to fit into that. But you need to clarify a few things for yourself before you can move forward with anyone else. Otherwise you're asking for other people to make you happy (they can't) and you can't even tell them what they need to do in order to accomplish that...

Good luck to you, and take care of yourself.

-lily