New to the Board, EMA in the works?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
New to the Board, EMA in the works?
5
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 7:10pm
I'm married, unhappily. I met someone online, he is also unhappily married. We've been chatting and have instantly hit it off. We talk on the phone, we are like best friends. The instant chemistry is amazing. We want to meet in person. It's pretty obvious that this will turn into a EMA. We will both have to be so careful. Any advice from you pros? ;) What kind of excuses do you come up with so that you can get out of the house to go see MM/OM? Besides work, I don't go out much, so my H would be suspicious if I all of a sudden started going out. Plus MM can really only meet me in evenings due to his job. I would leave my marriage in a heartbeat, but I stay for two reasons only. Finances & Kids. Love to get to know all of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 8:43pm
Hi deepred and welcome,

I really should not be here... but rather heading out the door... but I read your post and just felt the need to respond now rather than later.

I too met MM exactly the same way as you... on online in a chat room... we talked on the phone and then finally decided to meet and sometime later... well... things happened.

I can't say I'm a pro... but I certainly learn't from experience... try not to chance your behaviour too much... as yes! it will only create suspicion. You need to keep your home life pretty the way things are... even as hard as at may be at times.

As for getting out of the house... I now study part time in the evenings... and this can get me out of the house. Through this I have meet people that DH doesn't even know and can sometimes use the excuse that I'm having coffee or such and tie it all it.

You could maybe slowly start changing your habits... join a gym, a library... take up a sport or something this and then slowly change your going out habits.

Also... remember that while you can still be very careful... there will always be risks and you must be willing to accept the consquences. That is most important... also with regards to the EMA... should you go there... make you you both understand one another and that your needs and wants are both being met. There will always be good times and there will always be bad... but if the bad ever outweighs the good... it's time to move on.

Again... welcome to the board... and do keep us up to date on where you decide to take things.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 10:33am
Finances and kids!!!! Me too! My husband is a great father and a wonderful provider he just lacks deeply in the husband department. I thought I could live in a loveless marraige for my children but after meeting OM I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I have a strong feeling that my husband only keeps me around for stability for his child also. We live totally seperate lives. Our sex life has diminished to the point that we actually force ourselves to have sex at least once every 3 or 4 months just to keep the denial from setting in. If you ever want to talk just come looking for me here. I'm so confused and overwhelmed right now. I want to be with my OM but I don't want to end up with a broken heart. Good Luck to you. If you come up with any excuses to get away let me know! I'm in the same boat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 10:47am
I stay for the kids too, and OM stays for his. Both in loveless marriages, it's terrible. BUT he and I work very hard at keeping this an emotional thing, not physical. (I see him everyday at work! It's very difficult) But if we added physical into the mesh, I would be a total wreck. My advice, keep it on the friendly "emotional" level as long as you can. Once you touch there isn't any going back and you lose all sense of control.

Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 11:05am
Wow, I'm not the only one who stays M for the sake of the kids and financial reasons! And the longer I stay, I know the harder it will get... As we buy a home, and all that stuff, I know it will be harder to walk away.

And as the previous poster said about after physical, it would be hard to back off. I went into my EMA just expected physical. I never expected to fall in love. I tried so hard to keep it seperate, but could not! Good luck, ~passion

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 11:41am
SecretPal2002, I clicked your profile and hit the "send email" link. I sent you my hotmail address, so please write me. Thanks! :)