Time for a break?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Time for a break?
1
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 1:20pm
Quick recap: I am M with 2 kids, he is M with 2 kids, and we've been seeing each other for a little over a year. Throughout the past year I have repeatedly said that I didn't expect him to leave his W, just as I was not planning on leaving my H. At the same time, however, I did entertain fantasies of a Brady Bunch-like lifestyle, but thought nothing of it b/c they were just that--fantasies. Well, last week we rendezvoused at his house (W was out of town), and as I was walking down the hall, I stretched my hand out to straighten a picture that was hanging crooked on the wall. But before I could actually straighten it, something shot through me like a bolt of lightening. I wasn't quite sure what kept me from touching the frame, but it continued to bother me for hours (well, days now) afterward. After giving it much thought, I have come to the conclusion that at some point my "innocent" fantasies began subconsciously bleeding into reality. So here I am, faced with the potential reality that I do in fact, want him to myself. Maybe I felt it all along and was just in denial...perhaps actually being in his house again and almost doing something so trivial and mundane as straightening a picture somehow made it all the more obvious...as if it could actually happen. Even now, I'm sitting here about to type "but I *really* don't want that", but I just don't know how true that is. As I said, this has been weighing heavy for almost a week now. I have considered telling him that I need to take a break, to regain perspective, but I'm not even sure about that. Part of me wants to call for a break as a way of playing hard to get, but another part of me is truly confused. I really do know that we can never be together, but for some reason the mind over matter approach I usually take with difficult situations simply isn't working. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 2:17pm
hey nososingle, i really understand your situation! i'm sooo completely in the same mindframe and have been for about 6 months. we started this A simply for the sex. it was supposed to be short and sweet. and now it's three years later and both of us want more and more time together. i never thought in my wildest dreams (or fantasies) that MM and i would end up staying together or that we might have a future together. in fact, i rarely let myself think about it because we would have to change our entire lives. but lately every day, when he calls to talk about our days, or when i hear a song that we like, just the mundance things you talked about, i start to lose it and actually cry sometimes. we've danced around the subject of the future, and MM has said that you know what the future holds and nothing is ruled out, ever. but i just refuse to jump into those fantasies. it's too hurtful.

and then you talk about maybe taking a break -- and i can't conceive of what my day-to-day life would be like if i didn't talk to MM every day and see him at least once a week! i can't give you any advice on the "taking a break" issue because i can't even think about it for myself. sorry.....

my only suggestion would be to stay as busy as possible to distract yourself from those thoughts and feelings. and stay out of that house, girl!

take care,

gurl