Is God gonna forgive me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Is God gonna forgive me?
3
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 1:53pm
Talked to OM night before last after NC for 2 weeks.Finally,after almost two full years of seeing him he told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and our kids(he has 2 and so do i).Just to refresh everyone's memory,i am married but he is divorced for about 4 years.From the moment i met him he told me not to fall for him,he couldn't/wouldn't remarry or fall in love again because of the hurt his ex caused him.He wanted a "campanion",someone to spend time with,and in all honesty i wanted a thrill.I knew i was married and never had any intentions of this going any farther than a one night stand and maybe friendship online(where we met).Well,here it is all this time later and i've left my H several times and tried to make it work with OM.Now,he says this to me and i'm so confused i can't see straight.

From the beginning,i've always been tortured about the "moral" issues of this affair.Will God ever forgive me,will he punish me somehow,will he make my children suffer because of what i'm doing...etc..etc..It's really eating me alive.And even if i DO divorce H and remarry OM,will he still forgive me someday then??

And another question i wanted to ask is HOW do you get out of your marriage to be with this person?Yes,i know you should NEVER leave for anyone but yourself,but i am leaving to be with this man.I will be completely honest about that.I love him more than i've ever loved another person in my life and i want to be his wife.But i also know if he werent in the picture i'd go nowhere because of my kids and finances.And please,i know that sounds so terrible but no flames i beg you.And yes,i was unhappy before i ever met him.If i were in love with my H and truely and deeply happy,i would not have started this EMA.Now,after being with him,i finally understand the meaning of a true love.I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with H and never feeling again the way i do when i'm with OM.It hurts to even imagine that.But my question once again,how do you leave?After leaving H the first time,he did a completel "turnabout"...he is now everything any woman would want in a man,and in all honesty,i don't know if anyone else will ever love me like he does.I just wonder if i'm scared to hurt him or scared of the unknown...someone please help??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 2:04pm
oh honey, you sound so upset! i'm not deeply religious, but i do feel that god does NOT punish a person because they want to be happy. if you're deeply in love with the OM, go to him. your H will survive, your children will be happy because you are happy, not staying in your M and walking around wanting a different life.

i can appreciate that your H has "turned around" but if you don't love him, nothing can make up for that.

i left my H after 16 years (he was my "first" everything!) with 3 children in tow. i had two jobs, lots of help from my sisters and parents to watch the kids, and very little in the way of material things, but i did it on my own (with support and help). my children are grown up and healthy and happy and educated. i started my A with one of my best friends because of the attention and sex and that's continued to increase over 3 years and counting. i wouldn't give up my MM or my BF unless i'm forced to.

but please be happy and "forgive" yourself. god loves you and all his children!

best wishes and lots of hugs too,

gurl

Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 2:24pm
So much on your mind, huh? Wow. Hugs.

Nobody in my situation is M so I can't

really give you any advice on that. But I

can relate to the ?s you have regarding God

and your religion. That's something I've also

battled with. Especially months into this R

when I became much more involved w/ my religion.

Obviously, I don't have the answers. I don't

know what will happen. But I have wondered like

you have too. I've thought, how can I find so

much happiness and love in something that is so

obviously against most morals and my religion

frowns upon, as well. I've wondered if this was

a sort of test by Him to see if I'd do the "right"

thing. (B/c I am a firm believer that everything

happens for a reason and that there is a plan for

us that He has created for us and it's the choices

WE make in our life that determine how we travel

on our path.) I think there are diff. tests we get

every day... i.e./ story of a man who passes by a

poor person everyday on his way to work but never

helps him or gives him a 2nd glance. To throw a lil

more into my confusion, someone who has wanted to

date me for about a yr is a very religious person..

lol It's like having 2 completely diff ends of the

spectrum if you think about it in a "moral/right"

sense. But I also know that God wants us to love.

And when I pray at night, every night, I thank Him

for blessing me w/ the opportunity to experience so

much love w/ OM for so long. I also ask Him for help

and guidance so I know which is the right way to go.

And I maintain faith that whatever is meant to be will

be.

I'm not God... I don't know what He thinks so obviously

I can't answer that for you lol. I don't know if I really

helped you any... but maybe by hearing that you're not

alone and hearing some of my thoughts on it, that will help

you in some way. At least I hope so!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 2:42pm
Good post Secret! You are not God, lol, but I know He understands us a lot more than the ppl who judge us anyway. Sometimes it is not always clear what He wants for us, but He will let us know since its all a part of His plan. JMHO.