Just a quick note
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| Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:00am |
What it said was..."The best lessons learned in life are by the things we DON'T do."
Boy, am I happy that I didn't fall into MM's arms. I went past his house last nite, not on purpose, my H was driving, and his car was there, so I guess he is back with his W. Somehow I knew he would be.
I am maintaining NC. This is hard, because I do miss my friend, and also we live in a small town and I know I will see him eventually. How I will react when I see him is something else.
On the upside, My H and I are really opening up to each other. We are talking more, spending time together. He was hurt at work the other nite so he has been home. At first I dreaded having him here but he has been really sweet.
Well, just wanted to let everyone know what is going on.
Hugs,
itty

I sympathize with your NC plight -- been there, done that with a MM I had an EMA with about 5 years ago. He was separated when we got together, and I was about to leave my DH (we weren't married back then, though). Then MM decided to go back to his W out of nowhere. It was devastating, as he was my lover AND friend. So anyway, I'm sending lots of support and strength your way!
I am not familiar with your history with your H, as I have only been regularly visitng this board for a few weeks now. But it sounds as if things with your H are taking a turn for the better, and right at a time when you needed them to.
Please keep us updated on how things progress with H, and how you react when you do see MM in public.
Hugs!
Emmy
I'm not much of a horoscope girl either, but every once in awhile I'll read one, and think hmmmm, how can this be so right on? Usuallly I dismiss them, but when I find one that validates my feelings or rings true to my situation, I read every word. lol.
You are one strong cookie, itty! Just out of curiousity, if you didn't have the board to work out some of these feelings, do you think you would have faltered and gone to MM?
I only wish I were as strong as you! Good luck and keep up the good work!
Alameda
(By the way, I noticed your board name is changed with the 2 at the end...it is really our Itty isn't it, lol?)
I don't subscribe to hororscopes (pun intended) myself - but I do like to look ocassionally to see if I can prove them wrong, lol! It's easy to interpret what we want out of them, depending on how we are feeling or how we want to feel.
"The best lessons learned in life are by the things we DON'T do." I don't agree with that because I feel learning comes from doing. For example, I can read on how to swim, but I won't learn unless I try it myself. I think the best lessons learned in life is how we apply what we have experienced. Besides, *don't* sounds negative to me...for me it's more *if I do this or that, what will happen*.
LOL Itty, of course I'm not saying that you should contemplate an EMA with MM to learn from the experience. But, you have considered what will happen if you did I think. And, you're learning what you need to learn by *doing* - by avoiding the EMA and working on your M. If you weren't *doing*, I think you'd be stuck in that place of not knowing what you want or maybe more relatively where you are going.
JMHO of course.
It would be hard for me to maintain NC with MM if our EMA was to end because I value his friendship, too. Itty, don't worry *right now* about what you are projecting to MM when you do bump into him face-to-face - because whatever happens or however you feel at the time will be another *doing*, and you'll learn from that experience...but only at that time...you can't learn from it until it happens.
I was glad to read your update, and hear that you are in a step forward in working on your M! Remember, we are here with you in the steps forward and backward.
Hugs,
Meow
Yes, it is really me itty, as for the name change, it is kind of a funny story. I was babysitting my 3 year old neice, and I walked away from the computer for a few minutes, while I had my back turned, she came over and some how clicked on "ignore user" and now I can't see my own posts, (is there a way to fix this?) So I changed my name. LOL
As for learning and doing or not doing, I can see your point. I learned from my past EMA, from the heartache and turmoil that came from it, and so I hesitated to start another EMA with MM. But I learned, maybe not lessons, but something about MM from not doing. I learned that he is not ready to totally be separated from his W. I learned that he doesn't have the strength to stand up for himself. And I learned something about myself...that I need a man who can stand up for himself, if he can't do that, how can he stand up for me when the need arises?
I am "doing" alot right now, alot of self-reflection, alot of soul-searching, and I am learning about myself. I am also learning things about my H, things I like. And I am learning about the things that motivate both of us to do the things we do, bad and good.
I am learning so I guess that means I am doing.
Thanks for your insight.
Hugs,
itty
As for being here on the board, yes, it did help me in many ways. Many of the posts remind me of my past EMA, the roller coaster, the pain, the sorrow that can come with it, and for a lot of people it does result in these things. So reading here helped keep me steadfast, and reminded me of why I shouldn't, even if I wanted to. If I hadn't found this board, I don't know if I would have or not. I have a tendency to think that I wouldn't have, but only because of my own fear factor. It did help to vent about these things, but I do have a couple of very close friends who have supported me through this.
Well, I hope I answered your question.
Hugs,
itty
I do miss him tremendously, and I just hope I don't break into tears when I see him. I had the most frightening thought today. That I will NEVER be with him.
Hopefully though, if my M keeps getting better, I won't feel this need for MM so much.
Hugs,
itty
It's always good to read a post from you. I am glad things are moving forward in your M (remember, there will be times you will swear that the past month or two months work was all for naught... those moments pass). I agree w/Meow - you can't waste time/energy *anticipating* what will or what happen and what you will or won't feel when you see MM again. Because you don't know when that will be or where your head will be at that time. So when it happens, you get to test your "thinking on your feet" skills! lol...
Good for you for taking time to think about yourself. I think we don't do that enough, and we certainly don't do it honestly or with any depth.
I hope you and H can get your M to a place where you are truly happy. Let MM worry about his own M... you knew earlier this week that you really didn't want him anyway, based on his actions as a momentarily "single" man!
take care, itty, and keep us posted!
-lily
I will definately keep you posted. :)
Hugs,
itty