EXPRESSION...
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| Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:29am |
Now on to my story...from the postings I read I know Im not the only one dealing with the "love" thing. I sense that many of you are in the same spot I've been in for months now, feeling it and trying not to say it. Well, this week I had enough of the stress and frustration and I decided to tell him exactly how I was feeling, exactly what I needed from him and exactly what my outlook was about our relationship in it's entirety. Knowing I would fail miserably at saying exactly what I wanted to say I wrote him a letter, edited it all day long and drank 3 beers before I could actually hand it to him. The time it took him to read that letter felt like an eternity but when he turned and smiled at me, it was worth every minute I waited.
I just want to say that expressing who you are, what you need and how you feel is vital in the success of any relationship. I have been driving myself completely insane stressing over my "slip-ups" of saying "I love you" on a couple of occassions lately. Something in my head convinced me that there was something wrong with me saying that to him and I feared he would think I was getting too serious and walk. Last night during our conversation I learned alot about our relationship that I had never noticed before. He brought up the fact that our relationship is like a fantasy, the best of the best. We have a great time and share a great sexual connection and with that has grown a love that we cant help but take with us when we part. He was excited and honored to finally have me express myself to him. But he also reminded me that I was the one who had set all the boundaries and made all the rules since I was the married one. I never saw this before last night and without taking the first step toward untangling this mess of feelings I had I never would have.
We all take chances to be in these EMAs but yet we are reluctant to take any chances to improve them. We all seem to sit back overanalyzing some of the most important factors in our relationship. My question to all of you is this...what do you truly share with someone if you can't find the courage to share who you truly are with them...if we can't share our thoughts, our emotions and our intentions with the ones we say we love how do we ever expect growth in our relationships? Take a chance ladies, because if you can't express who you are, then what are you truly gaining from this experience?
*hugs*
Liberal

opus
And may I add that I did something similar this week - but I actually got up the nerve to do it in person. I just needed to know for my own well-being if there was more to this than sex. So, I asked. And found out that he really does care for me and has feelings for me - what a relief!!!!
Liberal
{{Hugs}}
ARH
I was where you were some time ago. I felt we were getting closer, but I feared letting MM know how I felt. I also wrote MM a letter to be sure I would express exactly how I was feeling and how I thought of him, and I worried how he would take it...and of course I felt vulnerable.
For me, it was a turning point in gradually letting the walls down. While I always trusted MM, and knew he wouldn't discount what I felt, I did have a hard time in opening up with him before that.
And you know, I've come to understand that I've been this way in my marriage. If I would have been more open from the beginning (well, and not so naive, lol), perhaps I wouldn't have allowed disrespect from H. I broke the pattern and am completely honest with H about what I will and will not accept in D...some might argue it's giving him ammunition, but it's actually empowering for me.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to play mindgames with our own minds. The *what ifs* and *should I or shouldn't I's*, analayzing, imagining scenerios where we don't know what will happen unless it actually happens. If we open up and talk about who we are deep down, regardless of their reaction, we are being honest to ourselves; and if we aren't completely honest with ourselves, how can we expect someone else to be honest and open. Regardless of their reaction (whether it's what we want to hear or not), we are learning and growing within ourselves.
That's exactly it, Lib - we are taking risks in being in an EMA physically, but we don't risk who we are mentally. If we love someone unconditionally, then it's not really a risk...we love that person for who they are and how they feel independently of who we are and how we feel.
Lib, it sounds like you're on a good journey - you're driving along in your convertible with the top down letting the wind blow the cobwebs out, your tires are pretty balanced (always considered you were balanced), and I think you've thrown that map out and know it doesn't matter so much where you're going as long as the journey is enjoyable. I'm happy to see you on that road!
Thanks again for sharing, Lib, and thanks for the opportunity to express myself.
Meow
Getting my paper and pencil ready........
ARH
take care,
gurl