I am his first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
I am his first.
3
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 5:49pm
I am currently involved in an EMA. This is not a first for me, however, it is his first. It began in March. We met, befriended one another over several cups of coffee and as time progressed, he sat me down to inform me that he is married and has 2 children. At that point, he offered me the opportunity to walk away, no more questions asked. As you now know, I didn't. It is not based on sexuality alone. I travel with my job and the majority of this affair has been discussions over the phone. In totality, we have only had a few sexual encounters. He is very open to discussing anything. And although it may not be exactly what most people would want to hear when involved with someone else, it is always truthful. I have had previous affairs, one was legally seperated, a couple that I was unaware they were married and another that was simply sex. This one is very different however. I have never had a problem ending an affair before. However, I don't want to end this one. I don't even feel like it is wrong. I am not young and naive. I am 35 and have had many previous relationships. This guy feels right, mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
In reply to: tmw9368
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 11:59pm
Dear Tmw,

Welcome!

I know how good a relationship that just

"feels right" can be, it can be pretty wonderful.

You seem to have enough experience and maturity

to know what it is that you want, and to expect.

There may be problems down the line (No, I would

say there will be). This is a very supportive

place, and a lot of people will talk to and help

you. There are a lot of other posts to learn from.

Because you know how a play will likely end, does

not mean you can't enjoy every scene and act. It

might not end the way you think, either. Plays can

be tricky that way....

Suggestions?

Since you are in the EMA currently, I would say that

you should enjoy to the fullest every moment.

If it is his first A, there may be issues he will need

to work through. If it falls apart or you need out,

there is support here for that too. We do understand.

Plot an endgame,just in case.

"The book of life is brief,

and once a page is read,

all but love is dead,

That is my belief"

- Nana Mouskouri (singer, don't remember the song title)

Just my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tmw9368
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 9:28am
Hi TMW,

I am not clear what you are asking for suggestions about... it sounds like you have things pretty well in perspective, and so does your MM. If you are both content with the situation as it stands now, enjoy it. I agree w/Desert. But do prepare yourself for the eventual roller coaster. Because one day, someone will want more, or less, or just something different and if you don't have the freedom and ability to morph together within the relationship, it will strain... or it will strain your other Rs.

For now, good luck to you and welcome.

-lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
In reply to: tmw9368
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 9:42am
I want to say thank you both for the wonderful input. I typically see my life as a glass half full, instead of half empty. Today, you both made me realize my cup runneth over. Thanks again. However long he may be in my life, is one more day of awakening and feeling truly blessed.