Should I wait for him?
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Should I wait for him?
| Fri, 08-01-2003 - 5:53pm |
I met my MM 4 years ago. At first he told me he was separated and I believed him because he has his own apartment separate from the home he shares with his wife and 2 kids. When I found out he was lying, I was already in love with him and stayed, even though I felt bad. 2 years later I realised that I needed to move on because this wasn't what I wanted, but when I tried to break it off, he said not to go, that he was going to get a divorce because he did not love his wife, and was not happy. So I stayed, but he kept putting off getting a divorce, saying that he felt bad hurting his wife and especially his kids, but finally 1 year ago he told his wife that he wanted a divorce. She did not take it too well, cried a lot, but he started moving a lot of his stuff into his apartment and spending more time there. He still sleeps at their home 1 or 2 nights a week, he says for his kids, and that he sleeps in the basement, but this still upsets me. He still has not filed for divorce, 4 months ago he said he was going to, but his wife's mother died and he decided to wait. 2 days ago was his wife's birthday, and I tried to arrange a date with him because I wanted to see what he would do, and he made some excuse that he couldn't go out with me until later in the evening. So I think he wanted to celebrate her birthday with their kids. He says he is going to file for divorce next week, but I am tired of waiting. I want to get married, and have kids, and I am 39 years old, so I don't have much time. Should I wait, or should I just end this and move on? I really love him a lot, I am so confused. Any advice would be welcome.

However, I am taking consistent steps and giving sincere effort to make this happen. It doesn't sound to me like your MM is doing the same thing. Sounds like he's stalling and probably still conflicted as to what he really wants.
Only you can decide what to do, but if it were me, I'd tell him that I'm happy to keep seeing him, but that until he's on his own, I'm going to start seeing other men again because I have a plan for my life. That I'd love for that plan to include him, but I can't force him to make a choice - nor would I want to - and that as long as he was okay with me dating others, I would still love to be with him. See what he says to that. Warning: That may very well end it, but then you would know, wouldn't you, how important your A is to him?
Maybe I'm offbase, but that's what I would do.
Lucky
End the relationship and go on with your life. Your wasting your biological clock on this man. Good luck.
kids do not need to constantly hear parents fight or ignore each other,, people who stay married for the kids,,, you hurting them more than you think,, they are smarter than you realise!!!
either wake up honey and deal with this or be second best
sorry for the harse words but am in the same situation yet I found my balls and left my H
and kids are so better off!!!!
No fights, no ignoring , do we really want this kind of situation for our kids
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAN be a role model
sorry so rough
Ladingwaiting40
I ask this question a lot here... so maybe next time I have to think of a new way to phrase it, but here goes:
if you knew he was never going to leave his W, how much longer would you be with him?
Because right now, GG, he's saying all the right things but his actions are telling you what's really going on. And what's really going on is a great reluctance to make that break and no motivation to be with you, because you're there NOW. And really, if he can't get out of his M in four years, what difference is year 5 or 6 going to make?
Your goal is to settle down and start a family. What's his?
No, never mind that, actually. You have to focus on your goals and what you need to do to get there. You say you love him so much... enough not to reach your goals?
Take care of yourself,
-lily
Hopeful.