UGH! I need some help here!
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| Sun, 08-03-2003 - 8:10am |
At around Midnight, he called and asked me why my cell had been off... (It hadn't. It was on and working and there was a signal..) Then he asked where I was. I told him we were at a strip club. That's where the boyfriends wanted to go for a bit and we all just went. (Did you know there are always more females than anything in a female strip club? Barely any men at all!)
OM went crazy. He hung up on me. I called him back and asked him what was wrong with him. Anyways, he hung up again.
This is the second time in less than 4 weeks. I went out one night over to a friends house and because I wasn't available, he went crazy. And this time, once again, he got angry at me again.
Other than these jealous tantrums of his, our affair/relationship is good. I'm just a little puzzled by his anger...
Anyone BTDT? I wrote him an email, but other than that, I'm leaving it up to him to contact me. I asked my OM to come out, he didn't..
To be honest, when he pulls this, I think "What the F***?" Any advice on really jealous OM? Gawd, my H knows I went to that club and he doesn't care... My OM has nothing to worry about. I'm straight and having fun with the girls!
Okay, I'll stop babbling. Tell me what you think........ Thanks, ~passion

I guess my take on it is that OM seems to be
a very controlling person. He could just be
very jealous right now too. Or both? You know
him better than I do, does this fit? Is this
something relatively new, or is this pretty
much a pattern?
I had some jealousy pangs for OW early on, but
quickly got rid of them. I found them incompatible
with an A. People will love who they choose, and
being jealous only seems to make things worse.
My W is a very controlling person in much the same
fashion as your OM. I wish I had some good coping
strategies to give you. My default method is to
stand up to her and tell her to be less controlling.
Then we have an argument about what is and isn't
controlling behavior. I will watch this thread
with interest. Perhaps I can learn some too.
Actually, I did come to the realization
last night that my OM is possessive
and jealous. To be honest, this is
not a good quality for an EMA.
I'm not sure how this is going to
play out in the end, but we'll see.
He is controlling. I sat there with
a stripper (lol) after the conversation
with OM and she is the one who made
me realize OM is controlling, possessive
and jealous. I'm just not sure what to do
at this point, but will wait for OM
to make the next move. I wrote him an
email and it's currently now on his
side of the fence. *But* I have a feeling
he wants me to grovel my way back to him.
No can do! I won't grovel to him when I didn't
do anything wrong. (Or did I? Is there a crime
against me going to a strip club? sarcasm of course...)
I'm actually a little pissed off because of this.
I am annoyed that he has to play this game...
Thanks for listening to me babble again! ~passion
I think he just wants our time together happy and being jealous will only lead to an argument and all of those questions that he knows the answers to already--you know what I mean?
So my question for you is: why would OM be jealous of you going out and enjoying yourself and not jealous of your H? Or maybe he is jealous of H and being possessive over other realms of your life (even ones that don't involve men) is his way of expressing his discontent with the fact that you are married...
I don't think this post is very helpful, but I don't see what you can possibly do to keep him from being jealous. All you can do is say 'look, you know the situation. If you can't deal with, then well...'
Hugs to you,
Alameda
Please take this kindly... your OM sounds a bit "off" and I would get out of that EMA.
First, his jealousy has absolutely no grounds in the case of the evening you presented, especially since coming along was an option.
Second, this method of control makes me nervous for how he'd react if you decided to end the EMA. He sounds like he'd almost enjoy wreaking havoc and making you miserable because he *can*... his feelings for you being irrelevant once his ire is up. After all, if he knew you were out and chose not to come, what could his reasoning be for calling you and throwing a tizzy *except* to ruin *your* good time, all because he wasn't there.
Third, YOU are giving him control. Why are you just waiting for him to contact you or get over it? I would recommend flat-out telling him to grow up and get a grip, or get out. And THEN leave it for him to choose. But some of this has to be on *your* terms, and as long as you keep taking him back in once he's done sulking and is ready to play nice, you will continue this pattern of behavior with him. One of you has to break this cycle and it will not be him.
He sounds immature. Can he really handle this R? Are you ready for the consequences if this start really going sour?
Not trying to be an alarmist, really, but his current behaviour would make me very, very cautious.
BTW... I hope you had fun, despite OM, because it sounds like a fun night out!
-lily of the soapbox... done now! ;-)