3-way turning into affair - need help
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3-way turning into affair - need help
| Sun, 08-03-2003 - 7:56pm |
Hi - I'm brand new to posting so bear with me. 7 years ago my boyfriend (who's now my husband) and I had a 3-way with his best friend. They were roommates, and I always felt very comfortable around him and we all would hang out together. We all enjoyed that night tremendously and would get together occasionally after that, maybe 2 or 3 times a year.
This went on for about 5 years. (The friend has a girlfriend who knows nothing about this)
In all that time, I never really gave the whole thing much thought. Just something that happened when the time was right - nothing more. About 2 years ago the 3 of us began getting together more often. This shouldn't come as a big surprise but I started becoming attracted to the friend, thinking about him , etc. I figured it was all in my head, until last summer when the friend and I went to a concert, just the 2 of us. We had done that in the past - just as friends and always had a blast. Out of the blue he put his arms around me and started kissing me. Felt fantastic and we went back to the car and made out.
Eventually I let my husband know - given what had been going on all these years he wasn't surprised, and was allright with it. At this point, I've admitted to myself that I've fallen in love and don't know what to do. The friend and I have talked about this (and my husband knows this), the friend said that it's no longer a fantasy for him anymore and that it's become real. When the 3 of us get together, the first part is just me and the friend, alone. Sex with him is intense, overwhelming. We've gone to concerts alone since last summer and each time has ended up with us making out on the couch, in the car, etc. If you can believe it, we all live in a 2-family house. He's that close to me. Plus he's been with his girlfriend for 12 years (she lives with him) and refuses to marry her. Always complains about her to us, but shows no real desire to leave. Yes, I love my husband and he's my best friend. Yet I just can't ignore these feelings for his friend - they're much more intense than when my husband and I first met. I have let my husband know that I have feelings for the friend but don't tell him how deeply it goes. Feel very isolated since there's just noone I can talk to about this. Thanks so much for letting me ramble on. It does help a little.
This went on for about 5 years. (The friend has a girlfriend who knows nothing about this)
In all that time, I never really gave the whole thing much thought. Just something that happened when the time was right - nothing more. About 2 years ago the 3 of us began getting together more often. This shouldn't come as a big surprise but I started becoming attracted to the friend, thinking about him , etc. I figured it was all in my head, until last summer when the friend and I went to a concert, just the 2 of us. We had done that in the past - just as friends and always had a blast. Out of the blue he put his arms around me and started kissing me. Felt fantastic and we went back to the car and made out.
Eventually I let my husband know - given what had been going on all these years he wasn't surprised, and was allright with it. At this point, I've admitted to myself that I've fallen in love and don't know what to do. The friend and I have talked about this (and my husband knows this), the friend said that it's no longer a fantasy for him anymore and that it's become real. When the 3 of us get together, the first part is just me and the friend, alone. Sex with him is intense, overwhelming. We've gone to concerts alone since last summer and each time has ended up with us making out on the couch, in the car, etc. If you can believe it, we all live in a 2-family house. He's that close to me. Plus he's been with his girlfriend for 12 years (she lives with him) and refuses to marry her. Always complains about her to us, but shows no real desire to leave. Yes, I love my husband and he's my best friend. Yet I just can't ignore these feelings for his friend - they're much more intense than when my husband and I first met. I have let my husband know that I have feelings for the friend but don't tell him how deeply it goes. Feel very isolated since there's just noone I can talk to about this. Thanks so much for letting me ramble on. It does help a little.

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So, what's your question?
You are living the dream of a lifetime for lots of people! I am guessing that your H has no clue that you have fallen for OM? And you are confused about what to do? is this what you were trying to get too?
Love to all and I look forward to hearing more of your story! Red
I have a situation with some similarities to yours. I met OM and his then W, when H and I placed an ad on a swingers site. The four of us got together for a while then his W decided she didn't want to get together anymore. OM and I continued to see each other on the side for a few months. He broke it off to work on his marriage. They have since divorced and after about a year and a half he called me again. We got together a few times and then I told my H. He has no problem with it. H does not know that we saw each other a couple years ago, or that we saw each other a few times last fall.
At this point H knows that OM and I get together. In fact there have been times that OM comes to our house and H is involved too. OM and I do get to spend some time just the two of us also. My H is ok with it, the same as yours. The dilemma comes in with the feelings for the OM. I love my H, and have no plans to leave him for OM. I am selfish and want both of them to be in my life. The idea of OM moving in with us has been discussed. OM believes that his exW would have a hissy and keep his kids from him though, so it isn't an option at this time. H is fine with him living with us too.
It is a different type of affair than most of the women on this board, but it is still an affair. I can't offer you suggestions on how to deal with your situation, but I can listen.
Just me
You are beyond my scope of experience here. I do think
it fascinating that given total sexual freedom, with
no apparent hard feelings anywhere, you still feel
unsettled about it.
You have two guys who apparently have no problem giving you
everything you want, with no demands of exclusivity. Is this
some inner drive toward monogamy belatedly coming to the
surface? Why? What do you want to happen?
Fast forward to May, I was at a party that my husband's best friend was at and my husband was not and ended up going home with his friend. It was one of the best nights I have ever had. My husband does not know anything about this but since that day in May, I have been seeing his friend about once a week and have no idea what I am going to do about this. Similar to you, I have developed really strong feelings towards him, can not stop thinking about him. Have talked to his friend about some of his feelings, one night got a phone call from him in which he admitted that he was falling in love with me and wished things could be different. I am totally confused at this point. Things have always been rocky between my husband and I but even if I ever got divorced I could never be with his friend. I would never want to hurt my husband like that. I know I didn't help you but I wanted you to know that I understand what you are going through.
I have been reading both of your posts and yes it seems as if the two of you have a lot in common. It does seem to be a unique situation where the OM is welcomed into your and H relationships. I understand how the feelings for these OM could eventually cause tension with your M, but speaking for myself (I am in a LDEMA), I would absolutely love to be in a situation similar to what you both are experiencing. You have the freedom and the go- ahead from your H to sleep with your OM. You at least get to have one on one time with your OM and do not have to sneak around. You are free to talk and enjoy each other's company without raising suspicion and having to lie and carefully cover your tracks. I believe there are many here who would give their right arm to have an opportunity such as this. Again, I can understand how hiding intense feelings could get in the way, but if I were in your shoes, I would be glad for things the way they are. JMHO
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