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| Mon, 08-04-2003 - 6:10pm |
Well, I've been lurking here for a while.
but now things are starting that I thought would help me if I got it all off my chest.
I've had a mutual attraction to a MM I work with that just been flirting for the last 9 months. I didn't know he was Married until a few weeks ago though (not very observant on my part).
Well he admitted to me that he'd like to pursue things further. But he's worried about his wife or someone he knows finding out about it. He mentioned something about people getting attached and causing trouble (he's had A's before) which I told him I'd never do.
I'm going into this with the mindset of more of a 'fling' rather than an A, so as to not get attached. That's all I had in mind in the first palace.
So we met today after work and he's trying to find away for us to get together in the next week, either at a hotel or his friends. So I'm just a little nervous having never done this before,and also only having had sex two times in the last three years make me more so, I'm only 20, he's in his 30's. I just wanted to vent a little. Thanks.
but now things are starting that I thought would help me if I got it all off my chest.
I've had a mutual attraction to a MM I work with that just been flirting for the last 9 months. I didn't know he was Married until a few weeks ago though (not very observant on my part).
Well he admitted to me that he'd like to pursue things further. But he's worried about his wife or someone he knows finding out about it. He mentioned something about people getting attached and causing trouble (he's had A's before) which I told him I'd never do.
I'm going into this with the mindset of more of a 'fling' rather than an A, so as to not get attached. That's all I had in mind in the first palace.
So we met today after work and he's trying to find away for us to get together in the next week, either at a hotel or his friends. So I'm just a little nervous having never done this before,and also only having had sex two times in the last three years make me more so, I'm only 20, he's in his 30's. I just wanted to vent a little. Thanks.
Oh and the question I was gonna ask is has anyone else had a similar experience? It seems everyone on here loves there MM or is waiting for them to leave the marrige etc. Does anyone else just have a relationship that is more just on the physical side?

I'm going to answer your question first... while certainly not similar... I'm married and with MM... I don't expect him to walk away from his wife or family and for the most part, I've managed to keep all in perpective and treat the relationship for what it is... an EMA. However... while initially the relationship was very much just physical, I have been involved with MM for over 3 years and my emotions are very much at play... I know somewhere, somehow... I allowed my self to fall in love with this man. It was a risk I took and I certainly don't regret it... but it still can be hard at times.
In saying that... while you may walk into this relationship with your eyes wide open... planning on just a 'fling' just remember that things can change... and they can change fast. The emotions in affairs are amplified so much more than a normal relationship and you may find yourself not in control before you know it. Just wanted you to be aware of that.
I don't know whether I've helped in anyway... but feel free to post and vent whenever you need.
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
Many of the people on this board begin their As with the mindset that it is purely physical, myself included. So if you have the impression that most posting here are incredibly emotionally involved, well you've got it right. Those emotions tend to develop over time as with any R.
I don't think there are many single OWs on this board, but based on your post, I'll assume you aren't married...maybe some of the OWs out there could help you out more than I can. Come on, ladies, where are you??
If I were you, I honestly wouldn't pursue it. He has already felt you out, so to speak, by telling you that many in As get too attached...clearly, he is after sex here. If you want the same thing, then, that is your prerogative. But you work together, and you should know that it can't just be a fling for a couple of weeks and then that will be the end of it --no contact. Do you value him as a friend? A confident? If so, the feelings of attachment may blur more easily than you can plan...
When I started the A with OM, it was only physical. It was hot, and I was just crazy for him. But over time, he fell in love with me, and even if I care very deeply for him, I know that our time together cannot go beyond the A (my rational side talking, of course!! LOL).
But everyone is different. My OM deals with the situation and accepts it for what it is. There are other OM/OWs out there that don't handle it well and want more. But again, it all depends on whether or not you become emotionally involved.
You are only in your twenties. Why not get out and enjoy yourself? Are you dating anyone else? Are you interested in dating others? Maybe now would be a good time for you to get out, and let loose some of that bottled up energy!!
Good luck to you,
Alameda
So how does it end?
If you get into a physical-only EMA w/MM (and others here are already telling you that they rarely stay "just" physical), how do you walk away and when do you know it's "done" and over with?
I ask because *that's* the unknown you have told prepare for. MM has already said he wants no emotional attachments, and if you start exhibiting them, he will dump you. As he has done this before (and that should be a flashing yellow warning light, right there), don't fool yourself that you will be "the one" that makes him fall in love with you, leave his W, etc. I'm not saying you think that now, but I would bet real money that in 2-3 months, after you get involved w/him, that is exactly what you will be thinking.
Is good sex worth the heartbreak?
Because you are so young, I definitely second Alameda. If you're going to play the field a bit, find some single guys closer to your own age... not someone who's just on the prowl. The fact that he wants it from someone so much younger also point out a potential control issue - he is older and more mature (theoretically, though I don't buy it) and therefore believes he can help direct you in this EMA.
Good luck, and no matter what you choose to do, we will be here for you.
-lily
Valerie
First off my job here ends in two weeks, and I don't plan on seeing him further after that. I don't see it as better to 'play the field' isn't it better to sleep with someone you've known for some time than just hop into bed with some stranger? I don't want a realtionship with anyone, be they married or single. I don't very easily get emotional about stuff so I'm not worried about it.
As for him being older(it bothers him a lot more than it does me), I think that's more of a fetish of mine. :p I've always liked older men and I like to be dominated. Maybe I should go over to the taboo board for that though, lol.
Thanks for all the replies!