Now I'm not just scared, I'm worried....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Now I'm not just scared, I'm worried....
6
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 6:31pm
So, everything has beeen incredibly wonderful and loving, and yesterday I got this incredible voicemail from my MM telling me how much he loves me and how this is going to be so hard because we want so much from each other, and then I got an incredible email from him telling me how lucky we are to have found each other and another voicemail this morning telling me how much he misses me and how sorry he is that he emailed instead of calling last night (we have not been able to connect, for whatever reason and are long distance), and then I tried to call him back and....NOTHING! Not a word from him! NOT A WORD. I left a message at 1:30 and another one a few hours later, and nothing!

What gives?

Any advice?

Please?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Eternal,

It sounds like you need to calm down!! Is a span of a few hours really going to make or break your relationship? Probably not. So just keep yourself busy and try not obsess here.

Why are you worried and/or scared? And why has MM felt compelled to send you so many reassuring emails/messages? Unless of course you have conveyed your irritation/frustration/discord with his lack of attention...He has told you how he feels -- what more can you want from him at this point?

So just slow down, eternal, and try to keep things in perspective. It doesn't sound like he is ignoring you, so maybe he is just busy.

Try to relax.

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Eternal,

Quick follow-up: didn't you ask in your first post what the 'rollercoaster' of emotions in an EMA is all about?

Well, you must try to remember that MM is married. You can't date MM the way you would date a SM. You can't expect MM to give you as much attention as a SM, and yes, you need to accept that you cannot always be first priority for MM.

If you two have not discussed the expectations that you have for one another, it might be a good idea to do so, once you calm down of course! Ask MM what he can give you/what you need from him. And if he can't deliver, then maybe you should reconsider what you are doing. Because if I remember correctly, this is only the beginning of the physical side of your EMA. Hence, it is only the beginning of the ups and downs...

Good luck, eternal!

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thanks.

To answer your first question, I didn't ask my MM to be as emotionally outpouring as he is, and I have never shown any insecurity with him at all - there has never been an occasion to, what with this being a new EMA and all. But he did see me go through a very painful relationship with another MM almost a year ago, and perhaps he wants to prove he is not like that guy.

So, this is the rollercoaster. Wow. It really stinks. I feel addicted to hearing his voice and hearing how wonderful he thinks I am. And that's all this is - textbook withdrawal. I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Stay strong, eternal...ups and downs, and then back UP again...

Seriously though, you should try to discuss your expectations with MM. It might make the periods when he can't contact you easier to cope with...

By the way, I didn't mean to make you feel that I was attacking you by implying that you may have exhibited insecure behavior towards MM...it was just my impression from the title of your post. No harm done I hope!

Hugs to you,

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
The title of my post was because I had written my first post: "New to EMA and Scared" or something like that. So, now not just scared but worried, get it?

Anyway, he called me a little while ago, and he explained what had happened, and when I apologized for keeping him on hold before I could talk, he told me, "No, I am the one who is sorry." We seem to be totally fine. Now I see why there is a rollercoaster - it is the addiction coming into play. I NEEDED to hear his voice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Hi. I'm new and need help. My message is on here somewhere! :)


Edited 8/5/2003 1:14:53 AM ET by katiemae1964