I'm my own enmy at times
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| Tue, 08-05-2003 - 3:12pm |
Now, that I'm single, and with a MM, I keep obsessing about how this whole relationship will play out. It's on my mind day and night. Basically what I'm saying is, I think I'm trying to make to much out of this. If it works out, then it does, if it doesn't then it doesn't. Everything is life does not always make sense.
The whole reason I got into this situation in the beginning, was because it filled a void in my life, it was fun, exciting, and needless to say adventerous. Somewhere in the 15 year span, it's gotten just the oppisite. Now, it's filled with, doubt, anger, drama, broken dream and promises. Those are the things that I tend to focus on mostly.
Yes, I love this man, but things will all work out the way they were intended to without any worry or help from me. I think I need to think about attracted me to this man, and enjoy the time that we have together. Let my hair down, relax, and quit being so tense all the time. This relationship has given me more gray hairs, and wrinkles than I care to think about. It's time I lighten up this relationship a bit.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to accomplish such a task?

I don't buy the "it's in fate's hands" argument. Take back the control, sweetie. Do you want to be happy or not? Is the happiness you get when you are with MM worth the agony you are feeling when you are not?
It doesn't sound healthy to me...
Maybe I'm a little vain, but about 1 year ago, I found two grey hairs. It was a stressful time in my life. But when I saw those hairs, I just about died (I'm in my twenties, mind you)! So what did I do? Well, I stopped doing what was stressing me out.
If you aren't happy being the OW, then get out. 15 years, is it? That is a long time to wait for anyone. Do you want to wait another 15?
Maybe your self-esteem is down--from your post, you sound depressed...have you considered talking to someone? Would therapy help? But don't let this eat you alive.
Your future can be bright -- but only YOU can make it so...
Hugs to you,
Alameda
Yes, I have waited a long time. All those years have been spent waiting. If, MM, and I can find our way back to what we had, then maybe that's a sign that we can make it as a "normal" couple. What I'm going through now is the pits.