Have you ever felt dissed by your MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Have you ever felt dissed by your MM?
2
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 4:02pm
I know that in reality it probably won't be long and this will be over but I'm wondering if he's giving me subtle hints or am I just too scared to let go....

In the last couple of weeks my MM has all but brushed me off when we were at a point that we could be intimate. Says he either can't get away from work or has to hurry and get back to work. He just doesn't seem to have time for me anymore. When I asked him to make time for me today he said he just couldn't. If you've been in this situation, how do you deal with it?

I'm tired of feeling unimportant. When I tell him this he apologizes and says he doesn't mean to make me feel this way and will "try to do better". I told him today that I didn't think he needed me and what we have must not mean much to him. He keeps telling me that it does. I told him I couldn't go on feeling like this. He seems sympathetic but doesn't act like he knows what to do to correct the problem. I have told him a few times that I don't want to have to tell him what to do but we just seem to be drifting further and further apart. He asked me what I wanted to do and when I told him that I couldn't go on feeling like this he asked me if I wanted to stop seeing each other. Says that's NOT what he wants and told me to think about it for a few days before I make any final decisions. We have been down this road before and I always run back. When we are together this man makes me feel so passionate and alive that it's difficult to let go. On the way back to work I guess I just clammed up and wouldn't look at him. That doesn't go over to well with him although I wasn't doing it to get back at him. He kept asking me to talk to him and all I wanted to do was tell him how much I loved him and have him hold me. I figure that would only make things worse. He doesn't like silence...

I don't know what to do...any advice would be appreciated.

om4m

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 4:57pm
om4m,

If I were in your position, I would tell him everything I was thinking, then back off a bit to give him the chance to respond to your feelings.

"Says that's NOT what he wants and told me to think about it for a few days before I make any final decisions." - HE is the one neglecting YOUR feelings, but he is waiting on YOU to make a decision? Something is wrong to me. It seems as if he should be the one going out of his way to make you feel special.....if he cares enough to not stop seeing you.

I understand how easy it is to always run back, but at some point you have to stand up and tell yourself that you are not going to let him get to you like that. If his actions do not change for the better, you might have to let him go.....at least for a while. He might be taking you for granted (which was my case a long time ago), so used to knowing that whatever he does you'll be back.

My advice would be to talk to him, let him know what you need. If he doesn't change the way things are, or at least make an attempt to change, then I would back off until he is ready to make a change............if it was meant to be, it will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 7:44pm
First, Thanks to lilnow. What you say is so true.

Second, oneman4me, I know exactly how you feel. But don't think that this will maybe

be over before long. That's how I used to feel (a yr ago). It's so hard to get out

of an A once it starts. But, I have done what lilnow suggested. For months I never

complained about how often we seen each other, or how he "did his own thing with the

guys", or how he didn't regularly call me, etc. Then one day my best friend told me,

"Just tell him how you feel and what you are thinking!" One night I told him he

couldn't do this to me anymore. He was no longer in charge. I wanted to know right

now how he felt; if he truly cared about me. If so, why don't you show it????

He said everybody shows things differently. He's always the life of the party, a

blast to be around, but not one to show his affection or have meaningful talks. He

said he assumed I knew how he felt since he's so loving with me and how in-depth our

conversations were about his life, etc. He said he tells me things he would never

have thought of telling his wife. He said he cared a lot about me.

I thought, OH COOL!!!! That lasted about a week. He called me everyday. Told me

what he was doing, on and on.....

After that it went back to how it was. I quit answering his phone calls. I wouldn't return his calls. I wouldn't answer my door. He couldn't figure it out. He said he

thought we were a couple (he's in the process of a divorce).

I do this often. I ignore him, break up with him, only to let him back in my life

again. I don't know why but for some reason I miss him terribly when he's not around.

I miss our long talks, the holding, the laughing, and of course the sex. Okay, I do

know why. Because I love him. I just get so tired of him not being there for me when

I want him/need him.

He knows no matter what happens, I will always let him come back. The last time I

swore to myself and all my friends I was done. That lasted maybe two weeks.

I wish you the best. Good luck. If you find a secret on how to make them more

aware of your feelings and actually care, let me know. Thanks!!!!